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gjm

Funny car 'for sale' ads

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We'v all seen them. The irreverent, the humourous, the laugh out loud (whether deliberate or accidental...

Let's see them, let's hear about them!

I found this ad for  Land Rover Discovery on a US-based website:

"Meet Joe. Joe is a driving shed. Joe used to be a 1996 D1 with until I got my hands on it. With 250,000 on the clock, I simply can't kill this thing. I used it to open up and prove trails as an underdog measuring stick. It jumps real good. I've laid it on it's sides more times than I can count. It's only okay at smashing builders but it's really good at obliterating rotten trees. It even caught a falling tree once. A big one. I'm pretty sure it blew a head gasket a couple thousand miles ago but it only overheats when competing in tractor pulls. If driven right, you can make a Jeep driver on 38s jelly. There is a mouse living in it. The mouse's name is Clyde. Don't worry about the mouse. I'm not too sure I want to sell this thing now."

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A friend is selling his Mercedes A-Class:

 

This car is one of the safest you can buy, because it'll be sitting at the roadside or in the workshop being repaired, so you'll never get it up to a fast enough speed to have a crash. 

Forget Mercedes marketing puffery about their amazing build quality - make no mistake about it, this car is rubbish. It has gearbox faults beyond your wildest nightmares, with a clutch system made of pastrami. Even making it out of Lego would have been more robust. This engine is not "bullet-proof" (actually, for the right buyer I'd even consider throwing in a free pack of bullets just so you can test this for yourself). 

This particular car crapped its K2 clutch plate at barely 100,000km of driving. It;s been "fixed" but still goes into a FAULT mode occasionally, meaning you have to pull over, turn the engine off and back on again and away you go. It's drivable (or, at least, it was the last time we drove it) once the battery is recharged. All that said, the body appears to be in pretty good nick and the interior is good.  

Great fuel economy - one tank of petrol can last 5 years. 

There's probably more value in its component bits - tyres, wheels, battery, spare tyre etc. 

We couldn't decide between torching it or driving it somewhere and hoping it would be stolen, so this car has sat unused for the past 5 years. But we've finally made a decision and the time has come for someone else to hate it. There is nothing reluctant about this sale. No tears will flow. Our neighbours will probably throw a party to celebrate its removal.

 

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