dave 2 Report post Posted October 29, 2004 If Men wrote "Cosmopolitan" it would go something like this Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister. A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour. Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him. A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour. Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal. Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal. Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm. A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal. Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ? A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not confused emotionally as women. It's a proven fact. Q: Should I have sex on the first date ? A: YES. Before if possible. Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ? A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway. Q: How long should the sex act last ? A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is good. Anything under that and you may be rushing your man. After your man has finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out-while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready. Q: What is "afterplay?" A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift. Q: Does the size of the penis matter ? A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true.The average erect male penis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank you lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gus 5 Report post Posted October 29, 2004 i dont see the difference between that and normal life? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Napier_E36 0 Report post Posted October 29, 2004 Q: Should I have sex on the first date ? A: YES. Before if possible. :lol: class.That whole thing is just awsome... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bmwsparkle 3 Report post Posted October 29, 2004 thats the way life should be (700 posts!) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spargo Report post Posted October 30, 2004 I have been given many expensive gifts. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
*sic 1 Report post Posted October 30, 2004 I have been given many expensive gifts. from yourself doesnt count dude.ahh its the good life i tell ya Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dave 2 Report post Posted October 30, 2004 I have been given many expensive gifts. speaking of which, hennesy goes down well after a few beers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spargo Report post Posted October 30, 2004 Studies show that 100% of nites where i can't remember what happened, cognac was involved. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dave 2 Report post Posted October 31, 2004 Studies show that 100% of nites where i can't remember what happened, cognac was involved. then left behind for the others to enjoy... :finger: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
*sic 1 Report post Posted October 31, 2004 then left behind for the others to enjoy... :finger: sk00led Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spargo Report post Posted November 1, 2004 To be honest, such a trivial matter doesnt really bother me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dave 2 Report post Posted November 1, 2004 To be honest, such a trivial matter doesnt really bother me. it did the morning after Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spargo Report post Posted November 1, 2004 Alot of things concern me the morning after I mean, I really like cognac, what if i hadn't had some at home? What would I have done for good booze? Losing it is one thing, the dollar value doesnt matter, if its my fault, its happened before, it'll happen again, learn from it. But to have it stolen by people that one interacts with on a (pretty much) daily basis, another matter entirely. It the end of the day, its just an object, but to me, thats not the issue here. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Homy.D.Clown 0 Report post Posted November 1, 2004 To be honest, such a trivial matter doesnt really bother me. thats quite a rant (others may say whine) about trivial matters that your not bothered about... STOLEN even..such accusations.....how trivial Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
*sic 1 Report post Posted November 1, 2004 the plot thickens... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dave 2 Report post Posted November 1, 2004 Alot of things concern me the morning after I mean, I really like cognac, what if i hadn't had some at home? What would I have done for good booze? Losing it is one thing, the dollar value doesnt matter, if its my fault, its happened before, it'll happen again, learn from it. But to have it stolen by people that one interacts with on a (pretty much) daily basis, another matter entirely. It the end of the day, its just an object, but to me, thats not the issue here. dude you left it in pams car, she left straight after her crash so how was it stolen? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spargo Report post Posted November 1, 2004 Sorry bro, got the wrong end of the stick, forget the rantings of a drunken, drunken man . :drunk: I hope you didnt water it down or do shots with it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
*sic 1 Report post Posted November 2, 2004 Alot of things concern me the morning after I mean, I really like cognac, what if i hadn't had some at home? What would I have done for good booze? Losing it is one thing, the dollar value doesnt matter, if its my fault, its happened before, it'll happen again, learn from it. But to have it stolen by people that one interacts with on a (pretty much) daily basis, another matter entirely. It the end of the day, its just an object, but to me, thats not the issue here. dude you left it in pams car, she left straight after her crash so how was it stolen? water it down how?sam read this. it appears pam left with it after you left it in the 7. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
