1N STYL 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2005 (edited) heard it on the radio in OZ ages ago, but i forgot about till now, so its old and u've probably heard it but here it is: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what’s not natural? 80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural. But we got pills for that. We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, but we’re putting people in jail for smoking something that grows in the dirt? You know we have more prescription drugs now. Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad. I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases. Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?” Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it. Half the time you don’t even know what the commercial is… people running through fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. I’m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy. The schools now… It is all about self-esteem in the schools. Build the kids’ self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs? What’s going to happen to our porno industry? These women don’t just grown on trees. It takes lots of drunk daddys missing a lot of dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks. And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday with my new high speed connection? CHORUS: baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song, sing for me,c'mon now sing, baby sing sing sing, sing your song, sing to me, sing a song Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time. You keep hearing about these uh these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east. Terrorists masterminds. Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think? They’re not masterminds. “OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack. Then you get on bus and you blow yourself up.” “Why do I have to blow myself up? Why don’t I put…” “Who’s the f**king mastermind here? Me or you?” Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time. Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity, obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic. An epidemic like it is polio. Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day. The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004. “How’d you get through it grandpa?” “Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.” Nobody knows why were getting fatter Look at our lifestyle. I’ll sit at a drive thru. I’ll sit there for I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter. Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries with that?, want a jumbo fries with that?, want to go large. You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother f**ker. There’s room in the back. Take it! Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It’s only three more cents. CHORUS: sing, sing, sing, sing your song, sing for me,c'mon now sing, sing sing sing, sing your song, sing to me, sing a song Sometimes you have to suffer a little in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there’d be a Microsoft? Of course not. You got to spend a long time stuffed in your own locker with your underwear wedged up your ass before you start thinkin “I’m going to take of the world with computers! you'll see, I’ll show them.” We’re in one of the richest countries in the world, but the minimum wage is lower now than it was thirty five years ago. There are homeless people everywhere. This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on. Why am I judging this poor bastard. People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it. He's gonna waste the money. Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit. Take a little run to the store for a throw-rug and a cd rack. He’s homeless. I walked behind this guy the other day. A homeless guy asked him for money. He looks right at the homeless guy and says, "Why don’t you go get a job you bum?" People always say that to homeless guys "get a job" like it's always that easy. This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants. Outside his pants. I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date. I’m predicting some problems during the interview process. I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has an “underwear goes inside the pants” policy. Not that they enforce it very strictly, but technically I’m sure it is in the books. CHORUS: baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song, sing for me,c'mon now sing, sing sing sing, sing your song, sing to me, sing a song Edited March 5, 2005 by 1N STYL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1N STYL 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2005 AND ANOTHER ONE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is the bare facts of the life we live This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is These are the facts of the life that we live This is who we are Bare facts of the life we live This is who we are, this is what we do, this is who we are, are, are, are, are... so help me god Did you know, that 1 out of 4 Americans has appeared on tv? Did you know, 61% of all hits on the internet are on sex-sites? Every day 21 newborn babies will be given to the wrong parents The average person swallows 8 spiders in a year Cannabis is the most widely abused drug in the world The average person laughs 13 times a day Elvis was originally blonde The average age of first intercourse is 15.3 years old The average erect penis is 5.2" long - and 4.2" circumcised Eskimoes use refrigerators to keep food from freezing 41% of all people take people with curly hair less seriously 20% of all females have had at least 1 homosexual experience Did you know that there is no such thing as an anti-wrinkle-cream? This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is - the bare facts of the life we live This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is These are the facts of the life that we live This is who we are Bare facts of the life we live This is who we are, this is what we do, this is who we are, are, are, are, are... 22% of the time, a pizza will arrive faster than an ambulance in Great Britian 96% of all women have at one time in their life faked an orgasm 3 people die every year, testing if a 9 volt battery works on their tongue The 'Guiness Book Of Records' holds the record for being the most stolen book in the public libraries Butterflies taste with their feet 5% of the population is gay The worlds best known word is 'okay', the second most well-known word is 'Coca-Cola' The giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue Charles Chaplin once won 3rd place in a 'Charles Chaplin look-a-like contest' In 1995 a japanese trawler sank because a Russian cargo plane dropped a living cow from 30,000 feet Only one book has been printed in more copies than the bible: the IKEA-catalogue This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is - the bare facts of the life we live This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is These are the facts of the life that we live This is who we are The facts of the life we live This is who we are, this is what we do, this is who we are... 1 cigarette takes away five minutes of a person's life In 1950 we were 3 billion people on the earth. today we are 6 billion people. (time is ticking, ticking, yeah...) 'Donald Duck' was banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants 74% of all nudist-females are nudists, because their husbands are nudists More people die from a champagne cork popping than from poison spiders 21% of all traffic accidents happen because the driver falls asleep Did you know that originally a Danish guy invented the burglar alarm. unfortunately it got stolen. This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is Yeah, yeah... This is who we are Bare facts of the live we live This is who we are, this is what we do This is who we are, this is what we do so help me God Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1N STYL 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2005 LOL SORRY ANOTHER ONE...i doubt any1 will read all of these ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You can cut to the chase And you know its okay Coz we only read the headlines We only read the headlines Baby get to the point And quit the full play We only read the headlines We only read the headlines anyways 54% of bank robberies take place on a Friday Women blink nearly twice as much as men Elvis never ever gave an encore The number of wars fought between countries That both have at least one McDonalds is zero Every 5 minutes an area of rainforest the size of a foot ball field Is eliminated Women who read romance novels Have sex twice as often as those who don’t Did you know? A can of diet coke will float in water While a can of regular coke will sink The Muppet show was banned from TV in Saudi Arabia Because one of its stars was a pig Males on average think about sex Every 7 seconds More than 50% of the people in the world have never made Or received a telephone call Syphilis has risen 500% in the last six years in London Why is it that everybody seems to get older? Except for Cliff Richard You can cut to the chase And you know its okay Coz we only read the headlines We only read the headlines Baby get to the point And quit the full play We only read the headlines We only read the headlines anyways 1 out of 10 girls under 20 is carrying Chlamydia According to several sources Dr. Harvey Kellogg tried to make a cure for masturbation When he made cornflakes Women are 30% more active during a full moon Indonesia is the country with the highest scout membership In every single episode of Seinfeld There’s a superman in at least one scene somewhere If you weighed all the animals in the world Hens would be 10% of the total weight In Minnesota there’s a law That prevents men from having sex with living fish Jimmy Carter can read 2000 words per minute Humans and dolphins are the only species That has sex for pleasure Danny deVito is taller than Dolly Parton You can cut to the chase And you know its okay Coz we only read the headlines We only read the headlines In the papers on the news Heavens heard there’s no excuse In formations everywhere All you need to know is right here It’s possible to attend your own funeral Because the human brain continues to send out electrical wave signals For up to 37hours following death We only read the headlines We only read the headlines We only read the headlines You can cut to the chase And you know its okay Coz we only read the headlines We only read the headlines Baby get to the point And quit the full play We only read the headlines We only read the headlines anyways Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
