Fridays funny (R18)

[*Glenn* 854]

You need to learn to play games like Jim!!!!!!

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some

cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he

noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her skirt!

Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on

the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife

followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'

Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.

She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $200.'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of

this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim

didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. on Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p..m. sharp

and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $200 - they went to the bedroom and

closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his

wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few

minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband

curtly asked, 'And did he give you $200?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $200.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He

came by the office this morning and borrowed $200 from me. He promised

he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

[pjay 8]

P P P P P P P P Poker face

[Guest Simon*]

A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moment in listener's lives. The final four were:

4th Place

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

3rd Place

It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.

2nd Place

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally Got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag.

The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'Price check for Tampax supersize.'

But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks' , and replied in a business like tone, his

voice booming over the same public address system: 'Do you want the kind

you push in with your thumb or the kind one you belt in with a hammer.

1st Place.

And the winner is . . ..

This happened at a major Australian University , during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?' The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat'.

[*Glenn* 854]

Classic Simon, especially the last one

[danthaman01 0]

has anyone seen www.fmylife.com entertainment for hours

[*Glenn* 854]

This Is Your Life.....Interview on telly interveiwing Bob Charles wife

Interveiwer: "May I ask what special thing you do to keep Bob's good luck running ??"

Mrs Charles: "I clean and kiss his balls before each game"

[Guest Simon*]

BEWARE THIS SCAM!!!

This may seem legit, but it is not. Beware ladies. Blokes warn your loved ones.

[Nobimmer 694]

^^Rofl hick

[Boost Junky 1]

Very clever the first one glenn! Feel sorry for the girl in the university Simon classic tho hahah!

Edited February 13, 2009 by Boost Junky

[*Glenn* 854]

Very clever the first one glenn! Feel sorry for the girl in the university Simon classic tho hahah!

Sorry ?? shes a good girl.. M&M's help

[Boost Junky 1]

Sorry ?? shes a good girl.. M&M's help

LOL! I wont say what I thought of saying haha