Good old NZ

[MattA 162]

In the year 2004, The Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in New

Zealand, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and

over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build

another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

> > > >>

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build

the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his

yard but no ark.

> > > >>

"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed

a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need

for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood

zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height

limitations. We had to go to the Planning Appeal Board for a

decision.

Then the Transport Department and Powerco demanded a bond be posted

for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead

obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the

sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local

trees in order to save the Kiwi bird. I tried to convince the

Environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the kiwi. But no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued

the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so

many animals in a confined space.

Then the Environment Affairs ruled that I couldn't build the Ark

until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed

flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights

Commission on how many previously disadvantaged individuals I'm supposed to hire

for my building crew. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have

to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.

To make matters worse, the Customs and Inland Revenue seized all my

assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched

across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're

not going to destroy the world?".

"No", said the Lord. "The New Zealand Government beat me to it!"

[*sic 1]

:banghead: <---- same as trying to understand some politicians ideas

[Rikki_318 0]

ha ha that is so brilliant

[Napier_E36 0]

thats about it too - somebody wants to do somthing and the government and government departments and local bodies and any group that can wreck someone elses sh*t by protesting gets involved just to bust your buzz...

Damn, its change - let him do it! just make him build it big enough for a few (read heaps) of bimmers....

Edited December 17, 2004 by Napier_E36

[BMW POWER 2]

Bloody government... All i have to say... you can't do anything without having all the law sh:t coming with it...

[bumpstop325 0]

dont forget you have to consult the local IWI and make sure any Treaty "rights" arnt violated. Any roads that might have to be built might disturb the local tanifar(sp). And reasourse concent is need to conduct any activity. Having 2 of every animal in a 'residental zone' might also exceed the 85db limit.(not like every god dam lawn mower joe av owns). Workers must be paid above the minimum wage.

MAF, prop wont allow any export of live meat.

aswell he hasnt talked to "tane" the tree god(i think) if he could use the trees.

lol....

[BMW POWER 2]

Have a laugh at this - Oh its to do with BMW.

Mini designer Frank Stephenson explains what a can of Budweiser and the new MINI have in common:

"We worked a number of 24-hour days trying to get the full-sized clay model completed for presentation to the board of directors," says Stephenson. "So when we finished the job with just hours to spare, I thought it appropriate that the team have a beer or two to celebrate. That's when I spotted the problem."

That problem was the complete absence of an exhaust tip on the otherwise complete clay. Thinking quickly, Stephenson stripped the paint from his beer can, punched a hole in the bottom, and fixed it in place on the model.

"The review went off without a hitch," he says, "and the board told me not to change a thing. Imagine the difficulty I had communicating the specifications of the exhaust to the supplier, without telling him to go copy the sides and bottom of a beer can. I didn't tell them until much, much later."

However, this wasn't Stephenson's only problem with this design. It wasn't long before he was called on the carpet by his boss at BMW. "It wasn't the shape," he says, "everybody liked it because it was unique yet oddly familiar. He was concerned that I had wasted a modeler's time milling the piece when his time could be better spent elsewhere. That was when I felt the need to confess."

That confession got him stunned silence followed by nearly uncontrollable laughter.