I've just read through your thread. Wondering how your trans is going? Some of the symptoms you'd mentioned are the same as I experienced on my 325i Touring (2002).... before it shat itself badly (at about 120,000kms (!) yep). Full rebuild, new trans cooler and hoses, and Penrite synthetic ATF. To be fair it shifts better now than a new sub-20,000km falcodore.
As I'm approaching 20,000kms since the rebuild I'm going to start the regular trans flush/filter/gasket replacement regime that BMW didn't recommend; don't get me started on lifetime fills. It seems the trans on our circa 2002 models is known as a weak-point, unless regularly serviced.
Hopefully your getting an ATF change and filter done has helped you avoid the wallet-shock (and unhappy expression from your other half) that I experienced.
Volvo 850's also 'feature' (suffer?) lifetime fills. Late last year we did a fluid flush on my 855-T5 at about 178,000kms, a relatively simple procedure. Ran 400kms with a little TransTune in there to help suspend the rubbish and address condensate. Then disconnected the trans output hose at the input to the cooler, and connected some clear hose. Ran the car up (through the gears until 1.9 litres of foul-smelling tar-coloured DexIII was emmitted, and shut down. Added 1.9 litres of fresh raspberry-coloured Fuchs Titan DexIII through the dipstick tube. Repeated until the fluid running out of the trans was clear and raspberry-red. This took us about 25 minutes and 14 litres; having bought a 20 litre container of DexIII, I was well made up. Added TransTune to keep things fresh, and the car shifts much smoother and quicker now. result.
Cheers