Airline Engineers strike back!

[jjs 60]

UPS 'Fix It' Requests

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to

fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one, reassurance for

those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics

correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then

pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[pjay 8]

Haaha great.

[OLLIE 26]

haha nice

[M325is 0]

love it

[elmarco 56]

Heard it a few years back - only it was Qantas at that stage. Still bloody funny. Love the evidence removed line!

[Creaver 55]

Heard it a few years back - only it was Qantas at that stage. Still bloody funny. Love the evidence removed line!

that's what I heard too, qantas.

[elmarco 56]

that's what I heard too, qantas.

They may be a bit sensitive about that kind of thing at the moment. That hole in the fuselage was f**king scary.... Enough to convince me to stay a while in Manilla if I had been board!

[_Alan_ 6]

Nice, lots of jokes like this at work