My most recent article. Your thoughts?

[Mattzy 0]

New article up, keen eyes may recognize JiB from here

Link

[Mark 178]

Overall it reads well. There are perhaps some issues with how it flows (I had to re-read a couple of sentences to understand what you meant). Also, I feel you might be trying too hard to shoe-horn funny similes into the article.

Oh, and there are a few spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and missing words here and there. But that's just me being the anal copywriter that I am!

I like your article subjects and you have a good knowledge of the technical side of things. I like your style of writing too. Nicely done.

[greenday-rulz21 6]

Tbh, I thought it was awesome. I love reading your articles, they're very different than a lot on the net (In a good way!).

[Mattzy 0]

Overall it reads well. There are perhaps some issues with how it flows (I had to re-read a couple of sentences to understand what you meant). Also, I feel you might be trying too hard to shoe-horn funny similes into the article.

Oh, and there are a few spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and missing words here and there. But that's just me being the anal copywriter that I am!

I like your article subjects and you have a good knowledge of the technical side of things. I like your style of writing too. Nicely done.

You have just unwittingly made yourself a target for my PM's when I'm writing my next one! Haha thanks a lot for the feedback Mark, I really appreciate it.

I'm trying to write in my own voice and I often find myself not making sense and jokes disappearing into the abyss, haha so I guess its not strange that it comes through in my writing.

Are there any particular area's you think warrent obvious improvement? You mentioned flow? An example would really help and give me something to work on for the next one!

My goal with the latest one was to add more technical details which seems to have come through nicely.

Thanks again

[Mattzy 0]

Tbh, I thought it was awesome. I love reading your articles, they're very different than a lot on the net (In a good way!).

Thanks Nick!

[Nobimmer 694]

Your articles are always really good to read, but I think in trying to make it sound like YOU, it makes for slightly difficult reading/ doesn't really flow perfectly. But you are definitly heading in the right sort of way.

Just my illiterate 2 sentz.

Oh and also you need more boobs.

[Mattzy 0]

Your articles are always really good to read, but I think in trying to make it sound like YOU, it makes for slightly difficult reading/ doesn't really flow perfectly. But you are definitly heading in the right sort of way.

Just my illiterate 2 sentz.

Oh and also you need more boobs.

Cheers dude, appreciate the comment.

Will try to deliver boobs this Wednesday

[CamB 48]

Oh and also you need more boobs.

I think that's BYO-only at the F:SAE workshop.

I like the article, and agree with the suggestions in the posts above.

[Mark 178]

Are there any particular area's you think warrent obvious improvement? You mentioned flow? An example would really help and give me something to work on for the next one!

I don't want to step on your toes, as everyone has a different style of writing and I know that if we all wrote blogs and articles the same way it would be rather monotonous. However, here's how I would've written your opening line.

You had:

"Late in the heat of a very humid, very Auckland-like Thursday afternoon I arrived at a rather plain-looking commercial garage block. Where a dreary looking building housed by far one of the most well thought out and well designed machines I had ever seen."

I would have written:

In the damp of yet another humid Auckland evening I arrived at a block of garages planted on industrial land near (suburb). Housed in one of the dreariest looking buildings was a vehicle that belied its surroundings: A Formula SAE car that is one of the most well-thought out and well-designed machines I have ever seen.

Looking at the two together there's actually not an awful lot of difference between them. In your version I didn't like how it is actually one sentence split in two. Also, the way you used "plain-looking" and then "dreary-looking" within a few words of each other I felt was rather clunky.

Hope that helps. I write for radio mostly so my ability to write long form has suffered a bit, but I'm happy to help out any time.

- Mark.

[antil33t 90]

Was talking to some fellow at GPForums about these, Very interesting, though I'd never want to drive one <.<

[JiB 0]

Chur for the article Mattzy

Our simulator's running again

I think that's BYO-only at the F:SAE workshop.

Definitely BYO.

Very interesting, though I'd never want to drive one <.<

Why not?

300whp/tonne ftmfw

[antil33t 90]

I reckon I'd puke everywhere after the first lap hahah.

[bravo 35]

300whp/tonne ftmfw

With or without driver?

[JiB 0]

220kg car + 60kg driver (in the pic) = 280kg

Supercharged R6 = 90whp

321whp/tonne with driver

Without driver is pretty much meaningless lol (410whp/tonne)

[DrphTa 5]

Did you work on this JiB? you must know the likes of Nick Rogers?

[JiB 0]

Did you work on this JiB? you must know the likes of Nick Rogers?

Sure do, he was last year's powertrain chief engineer

[DrphTa 5]

Hahaha good bloke. I asked him if i could drive it a year ago, he laughed very hard haha.

Anyway back on topic, sweet article Matt

[Mattzy 0]

Hahaha good bloke. I asked him if i could drive it a year ago, he laughed very hard haha.

Anyway back on topic, sweet article Matt

Cheers dude, new article up!