Joke..Warning (its a bit long)

[*Glenn* 854]

While on her morning walk, Prime Minister Helen Clarke falls over, has a

heart attack and dies because the Accident and Emergency Dept at the

nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat her in time.

So her soul arrives in Heaven and she is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly

Gates..

'Welcome to Heaven,' says Saint Peter, 'Before you settle in, it seems

there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're

not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer,' says

the PM.

'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says

that since the implementation of His new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to

spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where

you'll live for eternity.'

'But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' replies Clarke.

'I'm sorry . But we have our rules,' Peter interjects. And, with that, St.

Peter escorts her to an elevator and she goes down, down, down...all the

way to Hell.

The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a lush golf course.

The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22

degrees Celcius. In the distance is a beautiful club-house.. Standing in

front of it is David Lange and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who

had helped her out over the years --- Norm Kirk, Bill Rowling, etc. The

whole of the Labour Party leaders were there. Everyone laughing, happy, and

casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet her, to hug her and to reminisce about the good times

they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The

Devil himself comes up to Clarke with a frosty drink, 'Have a tequila and

relax, Helen!'

'Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge' says Clarke, dejectedly.

'This is Hell, helen. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and

it just gets better from there!'

Clarke takes the drink and finds herself liking the Devil, who she thinks

is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like herself and

pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled

with the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises.

They are having such a great time that, before she realises it, it's time

to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves as Clarke steps on the

elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, she is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is

waiting for her. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven,' the old man says, opening

the gate.

So for 24 hours Clarke is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,

good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other

than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or derogatory

joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes

great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. She

doesn't see anybody she knows and she isn't even treated like someone

special!

'Whoa,' she says uncomfortably to himself. 'David Lange never prepared me

for this!'

The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, 'Well, you've spent a day in

Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity.'

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Clarke

reflects for a minute ... Then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought

I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --but I really

think I belong in Hell with my friends.'

So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down,down,

all the way to Hell.

The doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a barren

scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking

a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but

worse and more desolate.

She is horrified to see all of her friends, dressed in rags and chained

together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic

bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with

grime.

The Devil comes over to Clarke and puts an arm around her shoulder." I

don't understand,' stammers a shocked Clarke, 'Yesterday I was here and

there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and

drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a

wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!'

The Devil looks at her, smiles slyly and purrs, 'Yesterday we were

campaigning; today you voted for us!............

[Guest Simon*]

I like it

And yet I find myself with a grim smile. There's nothing worse than watching and listening to those wankers squirm and lie at election time.

[briancol 3]

Never a truer word spoken in jest.

Good one Glenn

[Jamez 2147483647]

bit long for my liking but pretty funny

[greenday-rulz21 6]

Very good!

[Boost Junky 1]

Hahah. Too true! Just like Helen had a choice, we have a choice of who we want to lead us. Hopefully its not her this time round.

[Kaz 64]

Haha had a good laugh

[Young Thrash Driver 1020]

I like it

And yet I find myself with a grim smile. There's nothing worse than watching and listening to those wankers squirm and lie at election time.

One of the things that really gets me is the kissing babies thingy. I mean, why!?!? What's that supposed to prove?

At least, Key was on the news kissing a baby. Havn't spied Clark doing it yet, maybe they couldn't find a baby brave enough