Friday Funny

[oldskool 4]

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

[briancol 3]

That's just put me off lifesavers.

[oldskool 4]

That's just put me off lifesavers.

Ha Ha,

Yup, & think twice the next time your Nana rings and asks "seeing as its such a lovely day would you mind giving her a lift to the beach"....................LOL

[*Glenn* 854]

Leaving Work Early..

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day they noticed the boss left work early.

One day the girls decided that when the boss left they would leave right behind her.

After all she never called, or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and

went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout and a spa before meeting her dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom

door she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quitely she cracked open the door

and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss. Gently she closed the door and crept out of the house.

The next day at their coffee break the redhead and the brunette planned to leave early again and they

asked the blonde if she was going with them.

No way the blonde exclaimed.............. I almost got caught yesterday.

[savvi 0]

i like the second one better

heres one

a teacher asks johnny wat do you think (hire purchase) means

johnny thinks for a few seconds, then replies

well i think it is wat birds sit on at the top of there cage

[bravo 34]

fooken hell Shane - you can do better than that!

[savvi 0]

fooken hell Shane - you can do better than that!

it worked for benny hill

[bravo 34]

I think its the accent that made it for Benny Hill.

[*Glenn* 854]

This is real funny...NWS though

How to loose your job.....needs sound up

HowtoloseyourjobasaTVinterviewer.wmv

[e30plz 1]

LOL, his laughter at the end sounds real messed up,

His jobs so gone..

Edited December 4, 2008 by //James

[oldskool 4]

Caring for your BMW

A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a BMW, he goes down to his local BMW Dealer and after purchasing a top of the range BMW, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the BMW in Vaseline every time it looks like raining.

That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up in his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.

"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word.

The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.

So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone.

Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious BMW, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.

At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the f**king pots!"

Edited December 4, 2008 by oldskool

[tire 10]

ROFL oldskool

[briancol 3]

MY PRIVATE PART DIED

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little

crazy,

she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my

condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his

Private Part

hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said,

'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.

Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace.

'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that,

but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

(You've gotta love this .)

'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

[_BRS_ 208]

ROFL oldskool

hahaha+1 very good!

hahahaha LOL at Private Part

Edited December 4, 2008 by _BRS_

[oldskool 4]

I met a fourteen-year-old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, sexy and flirty, so I suggested we meet up.

She turned out to be an undercover detective.

How cool is that at her age?

Ha Ha,

Women confuse me, I don't think I will ever figure them out...........

I mean if NO means YES,

Why

am

I

sending

this

from

my

Prison cell !!

[OLLIE 26]

Make the most of life's opportunities.

[briancol 3]

If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended, or depressed.........

Always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions.