The Poker Player (Wed funny)

[briancol 3]

Two couples were playing poker one

evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent

down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't

wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to

sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to

the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did

you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness,

Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.

She said, 'Well, you can have it but

it will cost you $500.'

After taking a

minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim

confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that

since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should

be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When

Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue

the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their

transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly

dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came

home from work at 6

p.m. And upon

arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her

throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this

afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,

'And did he give you $500?'

Sue, using her

best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.'

Bob, with a

satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the

office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by

our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my

friends, is a poker player.

[Jamez 2147483647]

didn't see that coming, haha

[bravo 35]

That'd be worth trying lol!

[grantdavis28 8]

Very very good haha!

[Greg111 13]

Ha Very good.

[pjay 8]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping

channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that

goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take

her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to

apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened

my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my

experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You

might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school

reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some

reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,

please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad

cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her

husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near

perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light

for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night

than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.

I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise

came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at

the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped

out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom

and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you

running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my

lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back

out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the

garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped

back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different

anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my

stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our

anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet

appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"

she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- - - - -

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying

"Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife

kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall

grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the

house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said,

'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

and then the fight started...

[Greg111 13]

Haha funny man.

[Jamez 2147483647]

hahahahaahahha 2 much humor for me