Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
pjay

Lol email from my Pa

Recommended Posts

A Day In The Life Of A BMW Driver

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my interstates, which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn’t believe that the volume of traffic DIDN’T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the exit ramp! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn’t be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They’re not free points either - they’re £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won’t be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won’t even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT’S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW!

According to a new German car magazine survey, BMW drivers have all the luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And another

BMW means "Brings Me Women!"

BMW drivers have more sex than owners of any other cars and are much more active than Porsche drivers. The German magazine "Men's Car" found in a survey of 2,253 motorists aged 20 to 50 published in its inaugural May issue that male BMW drivers say they have sex on average 2.2 times each week while Porsche drivers have sex 1.4 times per week. Following BMW drivers were Audi (2.1), Volkswagen (1.9), Ford (1.7) and Mercedes (1.6). Drivers of foreign car makes were also behind BMW with Italian cars (2.0), French (1.9), Japanese (1.8), Swedish (1.6) and Korean cars (1.5) trailing after. Among women, French car drivers were top with 2.1 times per week followed by Audi (2.0), Italian (2.0), and BMW (1.9) with Porsche again at the bottom of the scale at 1.2 times per week.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And on the topic of lol, a silly Subaru driver thought his 1999 GT legacy wagon could be faster than my 328i and attempted to drag me off on my drive back from down the line.

Needless to say he lost.

1999 Subaru Legacy GT wagon

* 2,458 cc 2.5 liters 4 horizontal front longitudinal engine with 99.5 mm bore, 79 mm stroke, 9.7 compression ratio, light alloy block, light alloy head, double overhead cam and four valves per cylinder

* Power: 123 kW , 165 HP @ 5,600 rpm; 162 ft lb , 225 Nm @ 4,000 rpm

* curb weight (kg) 1,474

1995 BMW 328i

* 2,793 cc 2.8 liters 6 in-line front longitudinal engine with 84 mm bore, 84 mm stroke, 10.2 compression ratio, cast iron block, light alloy head, double overhead cam, variable valve timing/camshaft and four valves per cylinder

* Power: 142 kW , 190 HP @ 5,300 rpm; 206 ft lb , 279 Nm @ 3,950 rpm

* Weights: curb weight (kg) 1,425

Even on paper he didn't stand a chance. I don't know if its just me (I think it is), but whenever someone tries dragging me off or giving me a little race I get their plate and check the specs of their car, just so I know how mine really rates in the real world.

Edited by Pjay

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They’re not free points either - they’re £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won’t be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won’t even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

Priceless!

I don't think all BMW drivers are that arrogant are they?! :unsure:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Simon*

Epic. I like

Nice stats comparison on the drag too. Might have to do this myself

Had a lot of lights to lights with V-Tec badassness lately :D and Subies and the odd V8 Commie. Gettin' the big nod of respec' from the backwards cap boys when they get pants'ed by the 540 too. Hahaha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah :P

This guy had his hood up and everything, and when he was rolling beside me I could hear good old Notorious "And party and bullshit and party and bullshit" coming from his car.

I just send myself a text of the plate and search it when i get home through good ol carjam and Google

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1999 Subaru Legacy GT wagon

You have the wrong details for a GT Wagon. All the NZ new and Jap GT's are Twin Turbo in that year. And 2ltr not the 2.5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, i was thinking that too when i read it, and aren't they 205kw, like all newer suby/mitsi performance cars?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

EJ20TT in that model is 183 kW - 245 bhp.

Edited by E30ONP

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your car should have an ally block too.

Just to be really picky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it might be the same as the B4? I know the earlier model had the same engine as my RS, with a 2 litre twin turbo

(183.88 kw) / 6500 rpm

(308.91 N*m) / 5000 rpm

Horizontal opposition 4 cylinder DOHC16 valve twin turbo

Compression ratio 8.5

Bore, mm 92

Stroke, mm 75

Displacement, cc 1994

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well if all this is true, badass. I smoked a car higher spec'd than mine :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...