OLLIE 26 Report post Posted February 19, 2007 Dear IT Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate ------------------ Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly. CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally would recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck, IT Support ------------------ Dear IT Support, 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself'. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drifty325i 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2007 haha classic Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ED1RTY 2 Report post Posted February 20, 2007 That is f**king awesome... Ollie you are the man! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spargo Report post Posted February 20, 2007 Lawl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ken Report post Posted February 20, 2007 So even spoofs about upgrades get upgraded. This one has been around since the MSDOS days!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bravo 34 Report post Posted February 20, 2007 Haha - yeah I know - I remember receiving it on a windows 3.1 machine running Lotus Notes! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OLLIE 26 Report post Posted February 20, 2007 its well worded aye, i had an absolute crack up at it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hartage 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2007 So even spoofs about upgrades get upgraded. This one has been around since the MSDOS days!!! It would take an old bugger like you to remember them!1 :lol: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TronSpec 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2007 (edited) It would take an old bugger like you to remember them!1 :lol: Oh so true Hartge oh so true Thats some funny sh*t Ollie Edited February 20, 2007 by TronSpec Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nz320i 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2007 hahahah that is so good Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ken Report post Posted February 20, 2007 It would take an old bugger like you to remember them!1 :lol: For an up and coming old-timer that's rich! Or in your case... Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kerrynzl 3 Report post Posted February 20, 2007 Hey Ollie thats brilliant sh*t, summed up marriage perfectly!! As the Saying goes:" Me and my wife were happy for twenty years, then we met each other" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
