*Glenn* 854 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 A Guy walked into the W'h'anganui dole office to pick up his dole cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing the dole. I really wish I wasn't on the dole, I'd rather have a job.' The girl behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent, Sir.' 'We have just received a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2007 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have as part of your job > assignment, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.' The Guy wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshitin' me!' The Dole office worker replied, 'Yeah, well . . you started it.' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OLLIE 26 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 haha fantastic Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wom 0 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 haha awesome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
antil33t 90 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 haha, excellent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bmw_guy 0 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 rofling many times over Nice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
e30plz 1 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 And i'll take an application to that job kthanks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lucan 196 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 HAha...classic Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lucan 196 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 Heres my joke for today... THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her Husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, he Uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of Toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds". Willing to try anything, she fetchs a piece of toilet paper and stands in Front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will This take?" She asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years," the husband replies. She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper Between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the Years?" Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your bum, didn't it?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pjay 8 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 > A Paris Hilton Story > Paris Hilton is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven > car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and > the car comes to a stop. Paris, in her usual charming manner, says to > the chauffeur: > > 'You get out and check - you were driving.' > > The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is > dead. > > 'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Paris. > > Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair > ruffled with a big grin on his face. > > 'My God, what happened to you?' asks Paris. > > The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his > best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the > daughter made love to me.' > > 'What on earth did you say?' asks Paris. > > 'I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: > 'I'm Paris Hilton’s chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bravo 34 Report post Posted August 20, 2009 Haha nice Peter. An oldie: A guy walks into the unemployment office in Ponsonby, goes up to the counter and asks if they know of any jobs. The receptionist asks him what he used to do before he was unemployed. The guy explains that he was a Barber offering haircuts and shaves for male clients. The receptionist tells him she may have a job that could use his sepcific skills. It's a job at a nearby beauty clinic shaving vaginal hair for the mostly wealthy, young and attractive female clientelle. The man can hardly contain his excitement and struggling to keep his voice at a normal conversational level says "I'll take that job!" The receptionist says "Great! But you'll have to travel to Hamilton." "Why's that" the guy asks. "Because that's where the queue of applicants starts." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jamez 2147483647 Report post Posted August 21, 2009 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pjay 8 Report post Posted August 21, 2009 http://www.wired.com/autopia/2009/08/horse-power/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bravo 34 Report post Posted August 23, 2009 ROFL @ car noises. Hilarious. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest FrantiC Report post Posted August 23, 2009 Hahaha that car noises is a crack up. Loving the hand actions of a car drifting lolol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
