Livi 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 I got this sent to me at work i thought it was a good laugh A Little Male Bashing Q: Why do men become smarter during sex? A: Because they are plugged into a genius. Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time. Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg? A: They won't stop for directions. Q: Why did God put men on earth? A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn. Q: Why don't women have men's brains? A: Because they don't have penises to put them in. Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common? A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them. Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock. Q: Why do men masturbate? A: It's sex with someone they love. Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. Q: Why did God make men before women? A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy. Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if he is coming or going. Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet. Q: What is the thinnest book in the world? A: What men know about women. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything. Q: How does a man take a bubble bath? A: He eats beans for dinner. Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay? A: A half hour of begging. Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused? A: He's breathing Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds? A: Government bonds mature. Q: How do you save a man from drowning? A: Take your foot off of his head. Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common? A: They are both empty from the head up. Q: How can you tell if a man is happy? A: Who cares? Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A: We don't know. It's never happened. Q: How are men and parking spots alike? A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped. Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework? A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kerrynzl 3 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 HaHa! all my traits are out. Reminds me about the favorite sexual position for married couples "Doggystyle" Yeah! He sits up and begs and she rolls over and plays dead Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jamez 2147483647 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 WAR IS ON...... What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic? The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her. Why do women get married in white? So they match the kitchen appliances! Why did clinton lose the election? Cause she is a woman Whats the difference between your wife and your dog? Walking the dog is relaxing. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? Made the chain too long. Why did the woman cross the road? Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!? Why don't women wear watches? There's a clock on the stove. Why do women have short feet? So they can stand closer to the stove. Why dont women have a penis? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. Why don't women need drivers licenses? There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen. Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was a woman. How many men does it take to open a beer? -None, it should be opened when she brings it to you. What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why. What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant. Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon? It doesn't need cleaning yet How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the crap out of you. What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? You hit her. Wanna hear a funny joke? Women's rights. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, shes already been told twice. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, let the bitch cook in the dark! Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one. How are women and high school phone policies similar? Because they can be seen but not heard Why do women live longer than men? Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking. How do you get a woman dizzy? Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ewie 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 (edited) Or as my ex-wife used to say: "Why are men like floor tiles? Lay them properly the first time and you get to walk all over them the rest of their lives" Hence why she's the Ex... The word WIFE is defined as "Washing, Ironing, Food and Entertainment" What do cyclones, hailstorms, flash flooding, fire and your wife all have in common? Sooner or later one of them is gonna get your house. Edited April 27, 2009 by **Ewie** Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
huff3r 347 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 Q: What is the thinnest book in the world? A: What men know about women. Unfortunately this is true But they don't exactly help us out here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
M325is 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 Q: How do you save a man from drowning? A: Take your foot off of his head. Classic Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ewie 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 What's the difference between between a hooker, mistress and a wife? While having sex; the hooker screams "FASTER FASTER!!" the mistress purrs "SLOWER SLOWER" the wife say's "BEIGE"........ "I THINK I'LL PAINT THE CEILING BEIGE" How many supermodels does it take to change a light bulb? Only one to hold the light bulb... plus a hundered paid assistants to make the room revolve around her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
M325is 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic? The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her. OOOOhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahaha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OLLIE 26 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 It annoys me how women always leave the toilet seat down. I have to bend over and lift it up to take a piss. When a women goes to the toilet all she needs to do is flick the seat down on her way to the sitting position. On her way back up to the standing position she should lift it back up. haha how many women does it take to have a moan? just 1, they love having a moan. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
laadeelaa 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 Haha!! Livi you effing good beeyotch! Epic stuff! "So much awesome". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Livi 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 haha i get some really wierd emails at work Who wants to see an email with of a guy who tried to rob a museum , but the alarm went of...he then jumped of a tree.and landed on a spike fence ....bum first you can only imagine how the police felt when they saw him *conclusion livi has wierd work mates * Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boost Junky 1 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 Hahaha good effort Livi! I think Jamez takes the cake though some funny funny s$%t!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Livi 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 Hahaha good effort Livi! I think Jamez takes the cake though some funny funny s$%t!!! haha war is on ill post up more tomorrow when ive got time so posting up the photos of the museum robber tomorrow all in good fun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boost Junky 1 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 haha war is on ill post up more tomorrow when ive got time so posting up the photos of the museum robber tomorrow all in good fun I think I will watch and laugh.. dunno if i wanna see the dude who fell on the fence actually i think ive seen it before... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Livi 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 more to come yer the ass one is yucckkkk I will have to mkae it a view at your own will Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tire 10 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 (901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money (813): sounds like you understand them just fine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
westy 614 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 ^ Aahahahaha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ari Gold Report post Posted April 28, 2009 ^^ bahaha magic. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
*Glenn* 854 Report post Posted April 28, 2009 A freind of mine once said " Never ever trust anything that bleeds for 4 days every month and doesnt die" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Livi 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2009 "No woman will ever be truly satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
laadeelaa 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2009 "No woman will ever be truly satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money". Warning: the following sentence may contain too much info. *Shrugs. Meh. Ha!!!!!! So true. But...if it was chocolate I wouldn't be sucking it, i'd be eating it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Livi 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2009 Warning: the following sentence may contain too much info. *Shrugs. Meh. Ha!!!!!! So true. But...if it was chocolate I wouldn't be sucking it, i'd be eating it. good point...wouldnt that be a painful experiance for the boys Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bravo 35 Report post Posted April 28, 2009 So basically you're wishing you lived in a Cadbury ad. Problem is, if that were true, after a few years you wouldn't be able to get guys anymore because the chocolate would make your asses fat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Livi 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2009 So basically you're wishing you lived in a Cadbury ad. Problem is, if that were true, after a few years you wouldn't be able to get guys anymore because the chocolate would make your asses fat. or no man would be left with a man hood Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
laadeelaa 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2009 So basically you're wishing you lived in a Cadbury ad. Problem is, if that were true, after a few years you wouldn't be able to get guys anymore because the chocolate would make your asses fat. Quite frankly, I doubt there'd be much change in my ass. "Ohhh no she didn't!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
