Stress. Anxiety.

[M3AN 4016]

Or part weeks to ease into it...

[gjm 3258]

41 minutes ago, Driftit said:

Is it possible to take further leave?  Sick leave maybe?
The first few weeks of returning to work can be stressful on its own due to how busy most companies can be.

I've had two weeks sick leave, and a week of annual leave before that which was booked for me - I'd actually work at least 10 hours of that week but they booked me out on annual leave for the whole week in my absence. Something else to sort.

Then there was a 'recommended' 8 more days annual leave taken over the Christmas period.

2 minutes ago, M3AN said:

Or part weeks to ease into it...

Exactly what I wanted to do before Christmas. Agreed it with the doctor - then the 'cafe' meeting took place where that was vetoed by a manager and I was (effectively) told not to return to the office until after Christmas.

[gjm 3258]

On one hand, this gets easier. On the other it's more complicated. 

The counselor, and my doctor, have both suggested I find a new job. 

How does one go about getting a reference in the event it's needed?! 😅

[lemusa 86]

In this case I'd suggest getting a written reference rather than just listing their details on your CV. It gives them less options to screw you over as you have a written version of what they think of you. If they contradict that later over the phone and cost you a job then they are opening themselves up for a PG. If asking in person is too uncomfortable then asking over email is perfectly reasonable in my opinion.

Also remember a reference doesn't just have to come from a direct supervisor to be useful. You can make use of colleagues or higher levels of management if you have those relationships.

[Matth5 471]

Left my last job because of stress and the impact it had on my life. Was on call a lot - lots of long days and calls at random hours like 2am to fix urgent problems. Put up with this for years and noticed it killing my social life, making me tired all the time. Sure it paid enough to buy nice things but I never had time to enjoy those nice things! It was also a high pressure job where problems were urgent and had to be handled carefully and quickly. 

That company did a lot for me in terms of the experience and skills I gained but it had to come to an end. 

Found a new job with regular hours, no on-call because they actually have sufficient staff around the globe so nobody needs to work at night, and you're hardly left on your own with a major issue. 

Having more personal time and less stress is great, and I don't feel tired all the time because I can stop worrying about work as soon as I log off and nobody will call me when I'm sleeping!

I've also learned that when it comes to managers who are refusing to take feedback or listen to your suggestions - it's best to let it go. In the end it reflects on them and the responsibility is on them. This caused me a fair bit of stress in my last job. In my new one, I'm just hanging back and letting them do what they want. I'll offer feedback, but I'm not going to care when they don't do what I suggest.

Interesting comments in this thread RE managers. Some senior managers in my last job were extremely talented and skilled at their work, in the technical sense. But they seriously lacked people skills, couldn't resolve their disagreements between each other which meant staff below them suffered, and in some cases acted like bullies and cost the company good staff. Worst bit is - the CEO had the same issues. Brilliantly smart guy with zero empathy for people so he was totally blind to this issue.

If you notice managers with poor people skills, I think it probably reflects the person at the top. 

Edited May 11, 2021 by Matth5

[gjm 3258]

1 hour ago, Matth5 said:

Interesting comments in this thread RE managers. Some senior managers in my last job were extremely talented and skilled at their work, in the technical sense. But they seriously lacked people skills, couldn't resolve their disagreements between each other which meant staff below them suffered, and in some cases acted like bullies and cost the company good staff. Worst bit is - the CEO had the same issues. Brilliantly smart guy with zero empathy for people so he was totally blind to this issue.

If you notice managers with poor people skills, I think it probably reflects the person at the top. 

A person who is good at something is not necessarily someone who is good at managing, or even helping, others do the same thing, however well-intentioned they may be.

I have to wonder at the empathy being displayed by the two senior staff I'm working with. The CEO sometimes does display empathy, but I wonder how much of that is "this is the right thing to do" rather than actual effort. The manager I'm reporting to is on the one hand (re?)citing how I can help them help me, but then offering 'Performance Management" because I'm not delivering at 100%, 100% of the time.

[M3AN 4016]

On 1/18/2021 at 6:48 PM, gjm said:

On one hand, this gets easier. On the other it's more complicated. 

The counselor, and my doctor, have both suggested I find a new job. 

How does one go about getting a reference in the event it's needed?! 😅

I've been exposed to similar situations as this Graham. If the company feels it's in their (or mutual) best interests to end the relationship they may be willing to provide a written positive reference to expedite that. It's worth asking - 'hey guys, this clearly isn't working out and it's not in our best interests to keep trying, I'm happy to start looking for other opportunities if you're willing to help with a good reference for me' - and, depending on how much you can tolerate, you could even negotiate to stay on whilst you're looking for a new job, perhaps in a reduced capacity if required or desired.

Best wishes mate, these situations are sh*t.

[gjm 3258]

Well, it's all over bar the official notifications, which will probably be tomorrow.

Learn. Move on. Keep eyes on the horizon.

Time to find a new place of work. A new role.

[M3AN 4016]

As difficult as the situation might seem Graham, having finality will provide great relief.

I don't have a job for you but I am an employer in your line of business, if you think I can help in any way please feel free to reach out.

[lord_jagganath 421]

All the best Graham, good to have the Sword of Damocles away from over you. 

[gjm 3258]

It has been truly incredible to not have been to work - that place of work - recently. I'm sleeping better, starting to feel more positive, and generally on what I sincerely hope is an 'up'. 

I'm now running the gauntlet of the employment industry. Lack of reply, fob offs, preconceived ideas... But I have massively expanded my horizons via a dramatic reduction in salary requirement, which lends a greater focus to working more locally. More time for me and us. It's amazing the things you can do differently when throwing money at it isn't an option!

Sure, fun projects and the like will have to take a back seat, but other ideas and plans come out of the new situation.

Just need to find that new source of income...

[lemusa 86]

I may have missed what you do but is temping an option? Good opportunity to network while keeping the credit card in your pocket.

[gjm 3258]

18 minutes ago, lemusa said:

I may have missed what you do but is temping an option? Good opportunity to network while keeping the credit card in your pocket.

I've been an IT (Information Technology, Information Systems, Information Management) Manager for longer than I really care to recall.

Biggest issue is that we want to buy property, and need a mortgage for that. And that typically requires a permanent job, or at least a fairly extensive history of maintaining income.

[hunter 408]

8 hours ago, gjm said:

It has been truly incredible to not have been to work - that place of work - recently. I'm sleeping better, starting to feel more positive, and generally on what I sincerely hope is an 'up'. 

I'm now running the gauntlet of the employment industry. Lack of reply, fob offs, preconceived ideas... But I have massively expanded my horizons via a dramatic reduction in salary requirement, which lends a greater focus to working more locally. More time for me and us. It's amazing the things you can do differently when throwing money at it isn't an option!

Sure, fun projects and the like will have to take a back seat, but other ideas and plans come out of the new situation.

Just need to find that new source of income...

Great to hear you’re seeing light and the end of the tunnel, having they weight off is such and uplifting feeling isn’t it. 
 

I went through a similar depression and anxiety last year with Covid working from home, unrealistic IT project management expectation with poor support partner choices and what felt career derailment. I took a step back and was lucky to stay working for the same organisation (thankful for good management in my case) however now in month 7 of serious concussion recovery those anxiety elements are creeping back in as it’s hard to be effective on 70% of hours. 
if I don’t recover fully, a move like you described above might be in the cards for me too. With 2 kids under 6 the weight of responsibility is real, but happiness and health is paramount. 
all the best. 

[lemusa 86]

21 hours ago, gjm said:

I've been an IT (Information Technology, Information Systems, Information Management) Manager for longer than I really care to recall.

Biggest issue is that we want to buy property, and need a mortgage for that. And that typically requires a permanent job, or at least a fairly extensive history of maintaining income.

Good news that you're in a big industry (nothing niche!). For what it's worth I've had two reasonably new employees get lending with the aid of a letter from us stating their remuneration package, start date and our company performance. That seems to alleviate the banks concerns about inconsistent income prior to their start.

[Matth5 471]

Good IT experience can be a ticket to a high paying job in Sydney or Melbourne... you might be able to step back from management and still get paid more, if you're willing to relocate. Banks and finance related companies (eg financial trading) pay very well. Nasdaq for example have some jobs there...