Learning how to use anger management.........
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
It out on someone . Don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
On someone you don't know!
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
Make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f--k ing
Number and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
Transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an a**hole and
Hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a**hole' next to it, and
Put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
Was having a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an a**hole
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic a**hole calling
Would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller
ID Program for your telephone service?'
He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said , 'That's because you're an a**hole
And hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
Patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that
Parking spot, but the idiot ignored me. Then I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back
window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole (I had his
Number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW a**hole,
Too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is.'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .
It's a yellow ranch house, and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked, ' When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an a**hole!'
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now,
When I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called a**hole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an a**hole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah.'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'a**hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow
Ranch house and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole,' and hung up.
Then I called a**hole No. 2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, a**hole .'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well , a**hole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that my gay lover was on his way over to
kill me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree
Blvd. in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just
in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
cops, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
You know, this anger management stuff really works. Have a nice day
