gjm

Next week sees a general return to work, assuming doc says that's OK when I see her. Sadly the thought of that is not helping at all, and it'll be difficult to resolve the feelings engendered during the few days ahead. Need to work. Need income! But my health and wellbeing is uppermost in my mind.

The spending is there. (AFAIK) The quality of the delivered product is not.

Assuming the N42 (which killed smaller displacement E46s) didn't get to the E9x, then yes. Of course, the N46 was based on the N42... I mean, FFS, BMW! 4-pot cars were the winner in good form in the old days, meeting 6-pots toe-to-toe and outperforming them for handling and maintenance. Had you truly made sufficient advances to rule them out later? Nope. And yet... 😢

N46 2.0 engine. Price seems a bit high...? Nice enough car, but having recently missed one with less distance, fBMWsh, (black, red leather) at a smidge over $10k this looks a little pricey.

The left (rear) reversing bulb on Mrs M's Baur is refusing to light. Swapping the bulb into another position - indicators, same purpose on the opposite side - shows it is fine. The right reversing bulb does light, suggesting it is not a gearbox switch issue. All other bulbs light correctly. So, likely to be a cluster wiring issue. Anyone able to advise how to dismantle the cluster unit? There are retaining clips over a plastic panel, but even once the clips are released the panel will not come apart. I'll check the wiring in the meantime. According to the diagram I have, it's the 'BU/WT' wire that provides the feed to the cluster(s) and a WT (white?) wire that provides power to the bulb(s). Earth is common.

It's been a bit iffy for some time. Perhaps a couple of years? Didn't appear during WoF time, so that's been OK. I'll pull the passenger seat and see if there's damp underneath - the previous issue with the evil demons that possessed the dash seem to have been moisture related, so oxidisation is a possibility.

A question for our Mercedes but relevant to other marques too. Many cars, as they get older, see under bonnet insulation either peel away, or dry out, flake, and fall on to the engine. Can't be fixed - buy new insulation and fit. So what adhesive is most appropriate? One suggestion is 3M 5200 which (as far as I can tell) is a marine adhesive. Any other recommendations?

PFL, I think. Square corners - same as the E24 (iirc).

Just seen a pair of fog lights advertised for $300, reduced from $400. They must have the unobtainium reflectors and sapphire crystal lenses.

Similar, though not the same, issue here. Airbag light is sometimes on. Could be driving along and light is on, then off, then on again. Nothing has so far shown up on a scan.

Not had snow, but it's been cold the last few days, especially in the evenings.

Following Harm's @leichtbau pic I remembered seeing this... https://www.nzonscreen.com/title/monaco-monza-macao-wellington-1990/quotes

1989 Schnitzer team on Wellington seafront for the Wellington 500. Winners Emanuele Pirro (he did that a lot!) and Robert Ravaglia (on the left, car no. 1), and Steve Soper and Fabien Giroix (right, car no. 10). And the entirely indispensable support team. http://touringcarracing.net/Races/1989 Wellington.html

Hasn't replied to my PM, or (as far as i can see) any other questions. There's a build thread on here somewhere, I think?

ONE Apus tipped 1800 containers, out of China, into the sea earlier this month....

I'm friends with Lance Burdett who runs WARN International. Very interesting guy and an excellent presenter. Mindfulness is one of those things that so many people regard as a bit wishy-washy but it does make sense when you get involved. Lots of little things can help. @Jacko's comment at the top about going for a drive is a great example; another is that I've been taking the pup for a walk on the beach each day. I love the beach - could sit there for hours and just watch the sea. Just listening to music can make a difference. Just doing some of these things can help. The issue is that at the end of it, my mind is either clear and identifying way(s) forward, or it is a vacuum and all the stress just floods back in.

Received an 'interesting' reply from the GM in question. Seems evident that it is a collaborated message, with significant HR input. The tone has changed completely: there's still reference to increased pace, but much more 'softly softly' than I have seen before. My reply is going to be to agree with on detail, and reiterate that I'll consider everything else and reply more fully in the New Year. While this approach is one agreed with legal advice, it is an approach I have suggested. The absolute worst that can happen is that this is the end of this role at this organisation. I'm extremely aware that NZ is a small place, and that Hawke's Bay (we have no intention of moving) is a tiny part of NZ. People talk. So I'll not be antagonistic, I'll not be throwing blood into a shark pool, and I'll not be bad-mouthing anyone. I know where the 'drive' (which is what is adversely affecting me) is coming from and while I might not agree with parts of it, I'll not be critical. I've always found leaving an organisation a difficult thing to do. There's a reason why I joined - if I didn't like what I saw at the outset, I'd not have been there. Maybe it is time for a change. That might mean a significant winding back of the (let's face it) expensive hobbies but health and happiness are far, far more important than anything else. The comments re NZ management, especially in tech areas, are absolutely true. The only place you get decent senior IT-related management is in IT companies, and even then it's not always good. A great tech (or any other specialist) is not necessarily (not often?) a good manager or even role model. Again - huge thanks to everyone for their support. I've always loved Christmas - this year I'm looking forward to it even more than usual. 😊 🎅

I do need to take time out during the working day for me, and do it properly. I've developed a bad habit of taking a break at my desk, just doing something different. I need to get out, and a walk is a good way to do that. I have consoled myself with the knowledge that others have been much worse than me, and moved on to much better things. I might be able to avoid some triggers, if I could remove the interaction with seemingly indifferent senior management! That's not going to happen so I need to change that dynamic. It's something I'm working on, in the back of my mind. I am still struggling with 'letting go'. The overwhelming nature of being unable to stop thinking, stop going over and over the same problem, is crippling.

This always the biggest issue. By the time anyone realises something is amiss, several 'events' have usually passed. I'm keeping *everything*. Regardless of my situation, really hope you're good now.

Good (if expensive!) meeting this morning. A response I had thought of sending to my GM wasn't confrontational, but the suggestion was to remove detail from it, generalise, and take time and space to think. The offer of support if that doesn't work is available. I have an appointment with EAP Services tomorrow morning. I'm not going to try fooling myself into thinking things are getting better, but the very vaguest outlines of a plan are emerging.

From my perspective there is organisational duplicity - saying one thing (several things), then recording something else. Or leaving out details. Hence legal advice. I'm absolutely reviewing 'me'. Is there something I've (not) done that can change, be better? Probably. But that's not reciprocated. I genuinely feel they are saying the right things, but as if they are reading a script. There's no substance behind it. That said, I think they've had some practice over the last 6 months. Meds aren't an immediate option but are part of a plan. I do need to sort me, but I must sort the situation too. Little benefit in my feeling better if I then dump myself back into a mess; that'll adversely affect me again.

First - thank you all. Really. So very much appreciated. No two ways about it - it's a shitty way to feel. I sincerely doubt I'm in danger of doing anything silly, but pressure, stress, anxiety are all present. I start feeling better, then have an unavoidable conversation with a GM at work and WHAM! Back to square 1. I have a request for an appointment with EAP Services (through work), and I have a video call with an employment specialist tomorrow morning. Sometimes just the act of doing something - anything - can help. Equally I'm aware that there is an underlying issue which must be addressed but I'll take that one small step at a time.

Taking the pup for a walk on the beach helps clear my head. That's a real issue - trying to stop thinking about, and probably over-thinking, the problem.