Stress. Anxiety.

[gjm 3258]

Avoid it.

It really messes you up.

Having some BIG issues at the moment... Not sure if I'm being 'managed out' or if the senior bods really don't know/understand what they're doing, but I'm sort-of working from home (last week and next) in the run up to Christmas, having been certificated off work for the previous week.

I'm not even in the office this coming week, it's Sunday afternoon, and I'm still experiencing anxiety!

The biggest issue is the insidious nature of this. It creeps up on you. Suddenly you're aware you're not sleeping properly, there's a hollow feeling in your gut, you're not functioning effectively at work or at home, patience tends to be short...

Take care everyone.

[Jacko 2156]

Doctor says - Go for a drive, find a nice road, windows down, stereo up.

If still not feeling better, give a mate a buzz and shoot the sh*t. 

 

[gjm 3258]

16 minutes ago, Jacko said:

Doctor says - Go for a drive, find a nice road, windows down, stereo up.

If still not feeling better, give a mate a buzz and shoot the sh*t. 

Taking the pup for a walk on the beach helps clear my head.

That's a real issue - trying to stop thinking about, and probably over-thinking, the problem.

[lemusa 86]

Overthinking is the hardest part to manage for sure. The "issue" takes over and takes the shine off everything else that's good in life. I've only really experienced it over a longer period when I was dealing with a particularly sensitive situation/sh*t staff member and it really ruined my life for that few months. Alcohol intake went up and I was a shitty husband/father.

If you feel like you're being managed out there could be an opportunity to get ahead of it. Ask if there is any voluntry redundancies coming up - how you approach that would depend on size of company of course. Chin up, Christmas is almost here so make plans with the family/friends and the rest will come out in the wash.

[Allanw 1071]

Graham, talking to a counsellor; who knows what they're doing; just listens and asks questions that are relevant, with no agenda of their own: is a really amazing thing.

If you have an Employee Assistance Program at work, or can access it somehow, DO IT! Privately, it costs $85 a session up here.

 

[C-130 Hercules 571]

Counseling is one part. Recommend you also get legal advice. That way you know where you stand and have a much better hand when dealing with the situation as/if it unfolds. Also shores up your confidence... 

My 2c...

Edited December 20, 2020 by C-130 Hercules

[gjm 3258]

First - thank you all. Really. So very much appreciated.

No two ways about it - it's a shitty way to feel.

I sincerely doubt I'm in danger of doing anything silly, but pressure, stress, anxiety are all present. I start feeling better, then have an unavoidable conversation with a GM at work and WHAM! Back to square 1.

I have a request for an appointment with EAP Services (through work), and I have a video call with an employment specialist tomorrow morning.

Sometimes just the act of doing something - anything - can help. Equally I'm aware that there is an underlying issue which must be addressed but I'll take that one small step at a time.

 

[M3AN 4016]

Sorry to hear this mate, sounds like you're taking smart steps.

If specific individuals are triggering it, that's really important to acknowledge and address. Ask EAP for help to manage any such conflicts in the work environment, get them on the table real quick, it doesn't need to be a formal complaint or escalation.

Best wishes. 👍

 

[zero 1162]

Counselling and medication are two things that really helped me.

 

I was very anti medication but once I gave it a go it changed my life.

Edited December 20, 2020 by zero

[gjm 3258]

From my perspective there is organisational duplicity - saying one thing (several things), then recording something else. Or leaving out details. Hence legal advice.

I'm absolutely reviewing 'me'. Is there something I've (not) done that can change, be better? Probably. But that's not reciprocated. I genuinely feel they are saying the right things, but as if they are reading a script. There's no substance behind it. That said, I think they've had some practice over the last 6 months. 

Meds aren't an immediate option but are part of a plan. I do need to sort me, but I must sort the situation too. Little benefit in my feeling better if I then dump myself back into a mess; that'll adversely affect me again. 

[gjm 3258]

Good (if expensive!) meeting this morning. A response I had thought of sending to my GM wasn't confrontational, but the suggestion was to remove detail from it, generalise, and take time and space to think. The offer of support if that doesn't work is available.

I have an appointment with EAP Services tomorrow morning.

I'm not going to try fooling myself into thinking things are getting better, but the very vaguest outlines of a plan are emerging.

[NZ00Z3 187]

Very Pleased to see that you are getting some good professional help.  Its really important.  I didn't get it many years ago when I needed it.  Crashed and burnt resulting in 6 weeks of Hospital/care being heavily medicated.

Remember to document everything.  Don't rely on your memory.  Its all important if things get legal.

Document:

- The message that was communicated

- How it was communicated, snaky conversation, emotionless email etc

- How it made you feel

[gjm 3258]

1 hour ago, NZ00Z3 said:

Remember to document everything.  Don't rely on your memory.  Its all important if things get legal.

This always the biggest issue. By the time anyone realises something is amiss, several 'events' have usually passed. 

I'm keeping *everything*. 

Regardless of my situation, really hope you're good now. 

[dirtydoogle 383]

Kettle is always on at mine, door open and dog waiting if you want Graham 👍 

[NZ00Z3 187]

I'm as good as gold.  Well and truly recovered, no ongoing meds, happy family, good life and lots of BMW's to play with.

There is always a good life at the end of the crap.  Family is key.  You just have to weather the storm with the best support you can find.

[NZ BMW 368]

I can’t add anything beyond what others have said and that I agree with all of it. 

I too suffer from anxiety and it can be crippling if I’m honest. Just remember, it’s actually perfectly okay to have these feelings (you’re not crazy) and more than you realise appearing outwardly fine are fighting various internal battles. I think there is some comfort in knowing others are going through it and you’re not alone. 

Exercise, even 30 mins of walking briskly around the block can give a boost to keep you going. The trick is to realise your early triggers/signs so you can take care of yourself. 

[gjm 3258]

1 hour ago, NZ BMW said:

I can’t add anything beyond what others have said and that I agree with all of it. 

I too suffer from anxiety and it can be crippling if I’m honest. Just remember, it’s actually perfectly okay to have these feelings (you’re not crazy) and more than you realise appearing outwardly fine are fighting various internal battles. I think there is some comfort in knowing others are going through it and you’re not alone. 

Exercise, even 30 mins of walking briskly around the block can give a boost to keep you going. The trick is to realise your early triggers/signs so you can take care of yourself. 

I do need to take time out during the working day for me, and do it properly. I've developed a bad habit of taking a break at my desk, just doing something different. I need to get out, and a walk is a good way to do that.

I have consoled myself with the knowledge that others have been much worse than me, and moved on to much better things.

I might be able to avoid some triggers, if I could remove the interaction with seemingly indifferent senior management! That's not going to happen so I need to change that dynamic. It's something I'm working on, in the back of my mind.

I am still struggling with 'letting go'. The overwhelming nature of being unable to stop thinking, stop going over and over the same problem, is crippling.

[jom 98]

It is never as bad as you think it is. Look at your position, make an escape plan.... What happens if you get let go? IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!

Something better always come out of it - at least in my experience, and I've been where you are now.

I am constantly amazed that the prevailing NZ management style is bullying - coming from a progressive and world leading company in the UK I couldn't believe how any company managed to be successful. I now realise that they only appear that way in comparison with their peers.

Get out and find a company that values and encourages its staff to be the best that they can be, instead of putting them down in case they may be better than their boss. Toxic environments are created by toxic people. You don't need it in your life...

[Olaf 3317]

Well said, Jo.  After working in the UK for a few years, I learned that NZ  - particularly in tech - under-invested in management training.  Thrust into senior roles without the requisite skills, and lacking the development to be successful.  NZ continues to promote people good at their job to lead, rather than talent-spotting leadership and developing it.  In comparison, in UK I found genuinely talented managers!  Dirty secret: some of NZs largest companies continue with large PG budgets, as they recognise it's cheaper to defend or settle than to train.

The counselling is very useful; sleep is essential so don't be afraid of resetting the sleep cycle with the aid of your GP.  Exercise to help the body and mind.  And some excellent legal advice to set your mind at ease with a solid understanding of what is unlikely and how to control your situation.  Then you can make a plan.  Put it all together - functional trajectory back to a new normal.

Jo is right - it's not the end of the world.  Once you're into the planning to find a new environment, flip through 'what colour is your parachute' again.

The support of friends amidst all of this is very important.

HTH

 

[Allanw 1071]

[gjm 3258]

Received an 'interesting' reply from the GM in question. Seems evident that it is a collaborated message, with significant HR input. The tone has changed completely: there's still reference to increased pace, but much more 'softly softly' than I have seen before.

My reply is going to be to agree with on detail, and reiterate that I'll consider everything else and reply more fully in the New Year. While this approach is one agreed with legal advice, it is an approach I have suggested.

The absolute worst that can happen is that this is the end of this role at this organisation. I'm extremely aware that NZ is a small place, and that Hawke's Bay (we have no intention of moving) is a tiny part of NZ. People talk. So I'll not be antagonistic, I'll not be throwing blood into a shark pool, and I'll not be bad-mouthing anyone. I know where the 'drive' (which is what is adversely affecting me) is coming from and while I might not agree with parts of it, I'll not be critical.

I've always found leaving an organisation a difficult thing to do. There's a reason why I joined - if I didn't like what I saw at the outset, I'd not have been there. Maybe it is time for a change. That might mean a significant winding back of the (let's face it) expensive hobbies but health and happiness are far, far more important than anything else.

The comments re NZ management, especially in tech areas, are absolutely true. The only place you get decent senior IT-related management is in IT companies, and even then it's not always good. A great tech (or any other specialist) is not necessarily (not often?) a good manager or even role model.

Again - huge thanks to everyone for their support. I've always loved Christmas - this year I'm looking forward to it even more than usual. 😊 🎅

Edited December 21, 2020 by gjm

[Driftit 2078]

I was able to help myself with Mindfulness.  At first it sounded like a load of bollocks (was stressed and impatient).  But I gave it a chance as nothing else was helping.
I was surprised to find It really helped me manage my stress and anxiety.  It actually helped me with remembering more detail about my stressful situations too.  That helped me with not becoming overwhelmed by thinking too much when I didn't have all the facts and was replacing them with my own theories.
My crap sleeping pattern changed when I wasn't stuck thinking about all the what if's that I had no to little control over at 1am in the morning.

This might not be the best site.  But it does have some info.
https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/

 

[gjm 3258]

I'm friends with Lance Burdett who runs WARN International. Very interesting guy and an excellent presenter.

Mindfulness is one of those things that so many people regard as a bit wishy-washy but it does make sense when you get involved.

Lots of little things can help. @Jacko's comment at the top about going for a drive is a great example; another is that I've been taking the pup for a walk on the beach each day. I love the beach - could sit there for hours and just watch the sea.

Just listening to music can make a difference.

Just doing some of these things can help. The issue is that at the end of it, my mind is either clear and identifying way(s) forward, or it is a vacuum and all the stress just floods back in.

[gjm 3258]

Next week sees a general return to work, assuming doc says that's OK when I see her. 

Sadly the thought of that is not helping at all, and it'll be difficult to resolve the feelings engendered during the few days ahead.

Need to work. Need income! But my health and wellbeing is uppermost in my mind. 

Edited January 4, 2021 by gjm

[Driftit 2078]

4 hours ago, gjm said:

Next week sees a general return to work, assuming doc says that's OK when I see her. 

Sadly the thought of that is not helping at all, and it'll be difficult to resolve the feelings engendered during the few days ahead.

Need to work. Need income! But my health and wellbeing is uppermost in my mind. 

Is it possible to take further leave?  Sick leave maybe?
The first few weeks of returning to work can be stressful on its own due to how busy most companies can be.