Vass

This thread is dedicated to my efforts of rebuilding an M54b30 engine to drop into my Touring. I figured as this is the biggest and most essential part of the project, I'd best separate it from the main thread to avoid the details getting lost amongst the rest of the noise. The engine came out of a 2002 330i sedan with 160,XXX km on the clock. The internals seem to be largely untouched. Before taking the engine out of the donor car, I ran a compression and a leak down test. The testers used were on the cheaper side of the scale so that might have contributed to the results jumping around somewhat erratically. Did give some indication of the state though. All cylinders did hold compression but obviously the engine isn't as fresh as it used to be. Spark plugs 1, 5 & 6 came out being completely drenched in oil. I soon found out that the reason had been that the valve cover had split in several places, from someone clearly "making sure" the bolts were tight enough. The cover was also missing chunk out of one corner, a chunk I would later find swimming in the oil pan, so I'll either be using the cover off of the current engine or getting a new one at some point. Apart from that, oil leaks were aplenty. The return line going from the CCV down to the dipstick had somehow completely split, the valve cover was obviously leaking, as was the OFHG, VANOS pressure line, oil pan and seemingly the rear main seal as well as the crankshaft seal. Funnily enough, the one component that didn't have any visual leaks was the head gasket. The two hard coolant lines under the intake were not unexpectedly completely rotted away at the ends and came off leaving the tip inside (hue hue). A couple of minor observations that I'm not sure what to make of. The first being the water pump had seemingly gone right up against the separator wall and tried to eat away at it a bit. Probably nothing to be concerned about, but would be good to have some assurance? Also, taking off the intake, I found a few of the bolt holes surrounded by rings of oil. Is this a sign of anything at all or just safe to assume it had dripped onto it from the outside somehow? My biggest concern and dilemma at present is whether to take off the head and preventatively change the head gasket. Ideally I'd love to avoid doing that, especially knowing the threat of pulling the threads whilst re-torqueing the head bolts (would be getting brand new bolts of course). I'm leaning towards 'yes' in that regard. I'd pulled off a "high oil temperature" code from the ECU which made me a bit concerned so would be great to have it checked to make sure it's solid. Apart from that, everything looks tidy enough so far. Will be taking the timing gears and the camshafts off in the coming days and deciding the full extent of the rebuild. The plan of attack as it currently stands: Take off the head, have it checked for cracks & hardness, get the surface machined. Have the cylinders honed. Install new piston rings, will try find a kit with M52TU oil control rings. Install a slotted oil pump nut. New timing chain guides. New hard coolant lines under the intake. Rebuild VANOS with new seals & anti-rattle kit. Rebuild DISA flap and possibly diaphragm as well. New CCV & associated hoses. Clean throttle body, idle control valve. New coils, spark plugs. Obviously all new seals & gaskets throughout. Things I would ideally avoid doing: Boring cylinders, new pistons - really don't think it'll be necessary. Rod bearings - shouldn't be a problematic component on these engines so shouldn't need to be replaced? Stem seals - haven't looked into this one much. Probably worth doing but require some sort of special tool? Still not done with research and assessing the cost-benefit of some of those 'maybe' items. Advice and feedback very much welcome. If there's any additional items worth addressing or minor mods/upgrades worth doing or considering while I'm at it, please do let me know. I've never done an engine rebuild or anything close to a task this big before so am bound to have a bunch of blind spots and obvious things I'm overlooking. I'm very much learning as I go along and would love to have others' experience and advice to fall back upon and guide me along the way. Equipment wise, I'm near enough set. Have all the generic tools as well as torque wrenches of all 3 sizes and a few specialist spanners & sockets. Have also ordered a camshaft locking/timing tool kit. Might need some specialist tool to install the rear main seal so will figure that out at some point. Probably missing a bunch of things so feel free to point it out if you notice anything. Cheers

I'll report back once I actually receive it. With it being air freight, it could apparently take as little as 2 weeks, which I'd be mightily surprised and impressed by. Hoping I might get away without duties but will see. Should still be cheaper than any of the ones I've seen go recently, especially with the 2.93 diff included as well.

Just read through the whole thread with great interest. Truly amazing attention to detail. The amount of time and effort that's gone in is mind boggling. One to keep an eye on. Well done sir 👍

Aye cheers! I've flicked through your build before but will have a keener look at the subframe part. Those headers of yours are looking mighty impressive! I'm more or less keeping everything OEM, the fabrication on yours is looking absolutely mad, next level stuff that. Keen to see how it all comes together.

January '22 223,XXX km To take a break from the demolition job, I got onto installing the trunk trim bits I'd scavenged earlier. Not that it made an astronomical difference, but pretty satisfying none the less. Also helped get rid of a couple pesky squeaks & rattles as well as properly securing the side bit that the cargo cover latches onto, where the bolt hole had been ripped out. Afraid to put anything in the trunk now... The donor also came with some decent leather door cards, so those got a good clean and went straight onto the wagon. They looked tidier than the current ones, where the cloth part had gone all saggy, plus the numerous scuffs had been a real eye sore, most notably on the passenger door. The new door cards came with the added bonus of additional smaller speakers that I'll need to figure out how to wire in further down the line. No clue how that will work, but I'm sure future me will figure it out. The trim inserts will need a little going over with some fine sandpaper and a coat or two of paint to finish the look off. The wagon also got the front indicators off the donor that don't seem to be prone to moisture infiltration. Another little annoyance ticked off the list. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the donor car was becoming an increasingly sorry sight. More and more bits were coming off and getting sold or put away in storage, all engine cables getting tagged, all nuts and bolts going into separate sandwich bags and being labelled. Out came the subframe, and with the help of a mate, the engine soon followed. Love that green coolant, yum yum yum. Stripped the very last parts off the shell. Tried not to let anything go to waste, so kept everything from the windshield washer motor down to the brake booster and anything else I could lay my eyes on. Now all that was left was to figure out how to get the body out of the garage without any wheels on it... Ended up lifting the rear with an engine crane and rested the front rails onto a pole poked through a couple of spare wheels, creating a magnificent wee Batmobile. In the final couple of days, the last bunch of salvageable body panels went off to new homes, leaving the formerly glorious machine cutting a rather sad figure. Never nice seeing one of these get taken off the road, but at least the heart will live on in a new shell. R.I.P. 2002-2021 So, finally caught up, this is where things currently stand. The rear subframe is sitting on the floor, ready to be torn apart and put back together. The engine is up on the stand, awaiting the same treatment. The manual parts are in England, being loaded onto a pallet and going in for freight in the next couple of days. Can't wait. As for Barbara herself, she's still happily chugging along. Despite being a bit capricious at times, she's never left me fully stranded, to her great credit (knock on wood). With every bit of work going into it, she's feeling more and more my own and will be a whole different beast of a car by the end of year at the latest. Hopefully much sooner though. This has grown into a bigger project than anything I've ever undertaken before, by several orders of magnitude, and I'd be very keen to hear any sort of advice and guidance all you more knowledgeable folk might care to share. If you notice me going something dodgy or spouting some utter nonsense, by all means pull me up on it. I'm humble enough to admit I'm barely informed at best of times, and desperately clueless at others, so am very open to learning from people that have been there and done it before. I'm doing my best to research every step of the process before embarking on it, but if you do see me asking silly questions that have been addressed numerous times before, point me in the right direction and I'll eagerly do the due diligence. The goal with this process is to do as much as possible with my own two hands, and hopefully by the end of it, be left with a solid and reliable car to enjoy for years to come. Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement! Will do my best to keep it entertaining.

Cost is never not an object. I guess my reasoning is, with a job this big, cutting a small corner would be a drop in the bucket on the grand scale, but leaving it untouched makes it a weak point more likely to fail further down the line. I'm not one to spend money needlessly, but if something's worth it, I don't mind paying a bit more to get a better result in the end. Do it once, do it right. Had a chat with the local cert place today. Was keen to know how the whole certification process goes and what I could do to make it smoother. I'd been advised that I might need to install driveshaft hoops as part of the conversion, so asked them about that. Was told that hoops are only needed if the power increases by 50% or more, or if the driveshaft had been modified in any significant way i.e. welding. In my case, the gearbox, driveshaft and rear diff will all be coming from the same car so I won't be needing it, which is a relief. Regarding welding of the reinforcement plates, they said it's not something that needs to be certified per se, unless it involves the suspension mounting points being moved from their original location. The welds would need to be done to a "tradesman-like standard" though so if the weld job is particularly poor and sloppy, you will be pulled up on it if noticed. Just as a disclaimer, do not take this as any sort of concrete advice, your situation might be different and worth checking with your friendly neighbourhood cert guy to make sure what specific requirements might apply to your project.

I'm kind of more asking regarding the welding job itself, i.e. would it have to be done by a certified welder and have some accompanying documentation to go with it, or am I fine just getting a mate to do it or something...? Will definitely be getting the engine and tranny swap certed. About to get in touch with a local cert place sometime this week to get a better idea of how the whole process works. Will probably pose the weld question as well.

Easier to do it now than have to muck about later with sh*t in the way. I think it's fair to assume that even if doesn't burn oil yet, it will do at some point, knowing the M54 oil rings being not the best design. If I were to do it, I'd probably only do the underside. Interesting regarding poly bushes reducing stress on the floor. I would have thought it's the opposite with them being stiffer and more likely to pass on the stress instead of absorbing it and dissipating it. In my mind, the stiffer the system, the stronger it has to be because the stresses are concentrated and have nowhere to go. Introducing a softer rubber means that it would become the part to dissipate the stress somewhat, turning it into movement within that component. Kind of like you don't build a completely rigid bridge, instead allowing it to move somewhat to release the stress. Might be way off the mark though, that's just my structural engineering brain trying to make sense of it, I'm by no means a mechanic

Hahah thanks mate, glad to provide amusement 😄

December '21 222,XXX km One evening I took a drive down to Ashburton to have a look at a potential side project, a deregistered E91 320i going for cheap. Looked tidy enough but luckily it ended up selling to someone else before I had time to make the dumb plunge into the 4-cylinder world. Barbara here must have gotten jealous as on the way back she threw an engine code, the sassy bitch. P0174. Classic. To my knowledge, the DISA hadn't been refurbished, but then again could have been a whole handful of other culprits. The prospect of going on a wild goose chase for vacuum leaks didn't really appeal to me. Nor did chasing down the persistent clunk from the rear end. Then one day I discovered a line of coolant running down the crank and it just threw me over the edge. Everything else had been replaced by that point so it must have been one of the hard plastic lines under the intake manifold. Nope, not keen. So I did what any rational idiot would do when faced with another minor annoyance... ... I went out and bought a bloody parts car. Jokes aside, it had been a while in the making and not at all an impulsive decision. I'm sort of a 'demolish and rebuild' type of person, would much rather start from scratch and tackle everything in one go instead of playing whack-a-mole chasing down persistent issues. I settled on doing a full on assault on the engine, but if I was going to go down the full refurb rabbit hole, I figured it might as well be a 3L instead of a 2.5. I saw a few M54b30's listed on TradeMe for around $1,700, which seemed silly money for just the engine, so I started keeping an eye on Turners and Manheim damaged car auctions. Auckland had a few 330's come up, but quotes for transporting them down south came in at $2k and over so was a no go. Then when this fine specimen popped up locally, I knew it was the one. A 2002 330i with 160,XXX km on the clock, all up cost me a touch less than the asking price on the aforementioned engines alone, written off with side impact damage. The two doors took the brunt of the damage, with just a small dent in the B-pillar behind the door, which is what did it. Doesn't take much nowadays. Funnily enough, the previous owner reached out when he came across my part-out listing, so I got a nice insight into the car's backstory. The repair quote had apparently come in at $8k. Yikes! Luckily, we'd managed to get our own modest little place earlier in the year, so I now had my own decent-sized garage to mess around in where I wouldn't be driving any housemates up the wall with my lunacy. Getting a whole car meant that I could go for a full 330 conversion - engine, brakes, drivetrain, whole rear subframe with trailing arms and all. The plan is as follows: Rebuild engine with new seals, gaskets, new auxiliaries, rebuild DISA, VANOS, the works. Was tossing up whether to pull the head off or not but probably might as well. Have it checked for cracks and hardness, get it machined and honed. Probably change the piston rings, likely retrofit the M52TU ones. Still figuring out the full scope, but don't want to leave much to chance. The main thing I'm concerned about is the head bolts pulling the threads when reinstalling the head, which I've read might happen. Installing timeserts seems like a whole heap of mucking about that I'd rather avoid at all costs. I'll probably start a separate thread for the engine build itself as that's the biggest part of the project that I'm going to need tonnes of advice on, which would probably make this thread too convoluted with everything else that'll be happening. Refurb the whole rear subframe - already have a full kit of rear subframe bushes sitting in a box waiting to go on. Will probably clean everything up and spray paint to fight off rust and for general visual satisfaction. The one question I have is whether it's worth upgrading to poly or any other sort of aftermarket bushes even if for some individual components. The kit I already have is all OEM Lemförder and Meyle. Obviously this isn't going to be a competitive track car, just a daily driver / road trip tourer. Seeing how I go, might try my hand at a track day or two just for fun, but won't be seeing too much abuse. Opinions more than welcome. Was going to drop the auto box from the donor car to hopefully cure my limp mode disease, but after staring at it for a while, I went f**k it and shelled out for a ZF 5-speed manual from a fella in England as there's currently bugger all of them available in the country. Might as well make it a full on money pit. Getting a full conversion with full driveshaft and manual diff. Hoping it all comes through without any hiccups in the next few weeks/months. Refurb, paint the 330 brake callipers. Ideally want to rebuild the pistons with new rubber seals - if anyone knows the best place to get those, would be very much appreciated. I think I saw some on ECS a while ago go for something stupid like $50 USD each! Probably refurb the front running gear as well, control arms and such are still factory so long overdue a replacement. Still tossing up whether I need to do the rear subframe reinforcing plates or not. Would be sensible but I'm not sure how to make the logistics work. Would I need to take the car to a shop and pay the extra labour to remove and reinstall the subframe? Do I get a welder to come to me and f**k around with the car on jack stands? And how does this affect certification? Do I even need to get it reinforced if I won't be tracking the car? Whatever else will inevitably crop up, will tackle it as it comes. With the engine still in the car, I went ahead and did a compression and leak down test. The results were a bit all over the shop, sometimes retesting the same cylinder would give radically different results. Probably down to cheap-ish test equipment, but got some sort of gauge anyway. Cylinder 4 seemed the dodgiest one, but retesting the leak down on it the second time came out to 14% which fell in line with the rest of them. So heck knows. The engine still held compression fine, car was driveable, but not the freshest. From the outside too, the engine was in a bit of a state, leaking oil like a sieve. Not sure how that happened, but the oil return hose from the CCV to the dipstick had completely split and was pissing all over the place, drenching everything in the vicinity. Anyway, the slow dismantling continued whilst selling off bits to recoup some of the costs. The holiday break ended up being a staycation with me spending a better part of 2 weeks doing 12+ hour days in the garage. Bloody love it! Also, after being on the lookout ever since I'd gotten the car, I finally came across a tidy looking wagon being parted out at a local wrecker's, so I jumped on it and scavenged it for all sorts of boot trim bits that had been so hard to come by up to now, as well as nabbing some real tidy leather rear seats that are of course touring-specific. For just $100 I couldn't pass up. Those, along with leather door cards off the donor car, and I'm two seats shy of a full interior leather upgrade. By no means a priority but something I'm looking to do somewhere down the line. As a little treat, I bought myself a crappy wee Ford Laser as a cheap runaround, in anticipation for when the wagon will be out of action getting a heart transplant. Ugly little duckling with barely any clear coat left on it, but cheap on fuel and being a manual, I almost enjoy driving it more than the wagon itself hahah. Maybe this whole endeavour was a massive waste of time and money from the get go...

It now does it every time you switch from drive into reverse, and vice versa. Could be any number of things within the subframe. Don't think I'm gonna bother chasing it down, will just tackle everything in one go.

Ohh sh*t yeah mate. All the hurdles aside, it's still a great car and exactly what I wanted. Something timeless about the design. Will be a mean machine once I iron out the main issues.

November '21 221,XXX km Fast forward a few months, the car had been in regular daily service without any major issues, but with some inevitable annoyances cropping up here and there. Having replaced the radiator, water pump and radiator hoses, it didn't give me much trouble for a while. The gearbox was still smoothly shifting through the gears but going into limp mode when stopped at a red, so I stuck to shifting it into neutral when having to stop for longer than 10 seconds. Did a wee checkup and engine bay detail on both the babes at one point. Look bloody good side by side those two. The pulleys on the coupe were still fresh so was all trouble free, the wagon ones were in decent condition as well, only wanted a wee scrub. The one point of concern was a slight rattle in the power steering pump pulley. Can't seem to be able to upload a video for some reason, but seemed the whole shaft had a slight in-out movement. As I would have wanted to do a whole reservoir and hose replacement at some point anyway, I noted it down as a potential issue and left it for future me to deal with. Then I ran into all sorts of issues with the lights. First off I noticed the fog lights and front indicators kept sucking in condensation every time it rained. Annoyingly, the moisture was sucked in-between the two layers of glass, so took quite a while to dry those out. Was thinking of drilling a few tiny vent holes through the shell to solve the problem, but ended up coming into a different solution further down the line. The fog lights were a different story. The state of them was horrendous. Not even sure how it was possible to get to such a condition but the coating was flaking and peeling off from both the in and outsides of the housing. As well as that, the fog light surrounds were missing altogether and one side's housing had a clip broken off so it was just rattling about. Luckily, I found a fella in Auckland with a couple spare that were in decent condition so had those shipped down, as well as getting brand new surrounds which were relatively cheap. After a wash one weekend, I noticed one of the tail lights had a whole aquarium inside of it. Pulled it off to inspect and turner out it was coming apart at the seams nearly halfway down. With some minor prying, it came apart altogether. Lucky it didn't fall off whilst driving. Cleaned up the surfaces and mated the housing back together with some clear epoxy. Seems to be doing the job. Whilst I was at it, I replaced all 4 indicator bulbs that all had their coloured coating peeling off and were barely flashing orange anymore. Went with the cheapest ones for now, might go for clear ones further down the line. Took the car out for a first wee road trip. Had a weekend away with a bunch of mates near the Rangitata River. Fun wee drive with some gravel roads thrown into the mix. Definitely enjoying the added practicality of a wagon compared to a coupe, perfect for road trips, exactly what I'd bought it for. I'm not much of a racer so the added size doesn't take much away from the driving experience. I'm still yet to sort the rear wiper issue. The mechanism itself moves freely with the latch open, as it should, but seemed the motor just wasn't getting any power, with the likely culprit being a seared cable with the rubber tubing also being cracked open. Pretty hard to get to to solder up properly so is another thing added to the to-do list for the future. Also, this: Love to see it. While messing about with the cooling system, I noticed the sway bar links looking pretty tired, so with WoF coming up at the end of November, I decided to tackle those instead of waiting to be pulled up on it. The old ones came off fine, but putting the new ones in I ran into an issue that I should have checked for before embarking on the job. The stud didn't have a hex slot on the end of it to hold put for tightening, instead having a slim little slot for a spanner the other side of the plate it connects to. Every time I tried to tighten it, it kept jamming the spanner, making it impossible to remove afterwards. With the car jacked up in the air and the coupe having finally sold in October, all I was left to do is jump on my pushbike and pedal my way to Supercheap to pick up a cheap 18mm spanner, and then went to town on it on a bench grinder. Filed it down just enough to fit in and get the job done. Another item added to the BMW specialty tool collection. With the car jacked up, I gave it a visual check over and to my absolute delight, found the diff bushing to be at the end of its life. I did start noticing a slight clunk coming from the rear when first taking off from being parked up overnight, and seemed to have found the culprit. What an absolute bastard of a job that is. Luckily a mate of mine has a two post lift and was willing to help me out, so made the task a wee bit easier. Still ended up taking a whole day. Instead of taking the whole diff out, we took off the rear cover to get better access and went to town. First we tried pulling it out with a set of cups, a rod and an impact wrench but the thing was so rigidly stuck and rusted in place that the stainless steel rod just snapped off with a huge bang, nearly hitting one of us right in the noggin. We tried being nice, but in the end had no choice but to resort to violence. Out with the old. In with the new. Topped the diff off with fresh fluid and she was good to go. The previous owner did note the diff oil had been changed, but at this point I wouldn't have been surprised if the "new" oil had come from the parts bin and run through a sieve or something, so was worth doing anyway. She flew through WoF without a hiccup, but weirdly enough, after doing the diff bush, the clunking noise had only become more prominent. No clue what it might be at this stage. Could be some other bushing, or the springs. I wouldn't know what a cracked subframe mounting point would sound like, but I sure as f**k hope it isn't that. One to keep an eye on. Also, I noticed this on the front shocks. I'm no expert, but shouldn't the end of the spring rest up against the edge of the indent here? I've never worked on suspension components before so have no experience to draw upon, but somehow this just doesn't look right. On an aesthetic note, I gave the car a good thorough wash and clean, went over the exterior with a claybar and tried my hand at a basic hand polish. Did nothing to make any noticeable difference except to bring out the numerous imperfections even more. After failing at that, I've invested in a DA polisher whilst SCA had a decent sale on. Yet to try it out but keen to see what a difference it might make. Fully acknowledge that multiple panels will only be salvaged with a full respray, but might as well try and make it a bit more presentable in the meantime. Here's the glorious bird poo wound in all its glory: Gave the wheels a mighty old scrub though, so those will look fresh for at least a couple of weeks, before being caked in brake dust once again. Never had that issue on the coupe which seemed to have had some dust-free compound pads installed. Will definitely look to switch over to those sometime in the future. Recommendations as to which ones are worth going for are very much welcome. On the bright side, I finally invested in a decent headunit, going for an Android 10 double-din with an 8-core processor and 64GB storage off a random Kapud brand. An AliExpress special, but does seem decent enough quality and retains the OEM look. The only downside being the ~20 second startup time, but I was fully aware of that prior to purchase so no complaints there. I opted for that model as it didn't have a CD slot that most similar ones come with. I wouldn't have any use for it anyway, and without it, it looks a bit more minimal whilst leaving a lot more space inbehind to fit all the wiring. Also got a 3D printed HVAC relocation bracket from a UK seller on eBay for something like $40-50. Not cheap but holds the unit in nice and firm without any rattles. There seems to be a few more of similar ones that have popped up since then and are now cheaper as well. Worth a go if anyone's looking for one. I also got a reverse camera that slots in neatly instead of one number plate light but turned out it didn't quite fit in properly, despite being marketed as e46-specific. Might have to butcher the plastic housing on it to make work but that's another thing I left for a later mission. I thought the speakers were shot and I was prepared to tackle those as the next step, but the unit livened them right up. Gone are the rattles and the sound is now way crisper. Not audiophile level by any means, but to my untrained ear it's more than acceptable. Happy days.

I wouldn't use such harsh labels but yeah, hard to mask the frustration all things considered. I guess my expectations were set quite high to begin with, which made disappointment that much more likely. Will definitely be more cautious next time before buying a car from a fellow enthusiast, sadly. Would almost prefer a car that's been completely neglected rather than one that's had god knows what done to it to an unknown standard. At least you know what you're getting and what needs to be done. It is what it is though. I do have big plans for it on the horizon. Stay tuned ✌️

Loooove to see it 🙄

May '21 216,6XX km I did notice a wee puddle forming under the front of the car whilst it was parked up for a month and a half, but was too preoccupied with other stuff to think much of it. Now it was in my face. The radiator was leaking from the top side right where the plastic connects into metal. To the seller's credit, upon sharing this with him, he refunded $200 to go towards a replacement, which he absolutely did not have to do. "What a top bloke," I thought. To his discredit though, once I'd received the parts and bought a few jugs of genuine bimmer coolant and started digging into the task... I'm by no means an expert, nor a qualified mechanic, but from what I've gathered, the weakest parts on these engines are the rubber and plastic bits comprising the cooling system, and any piece of advice or best practice guide you will come across will tell you to replace all the cooling system components, if not done so already. So when the sale add started off with the bold claim that "anyone that knows me, knows how OCD I am about maintenance and preventative maintenance, so she has been maintained really well," and stating the cooling system had been overhauled, I was fully confident I'm buying a car where this aspect had been comprehensively addressed. Little did I know that a "cooling system overhaul" apparently means replacing 20-year-old rubber cooling hoses with 20-year-old rubber cooling hoses pulled off from parts cars. Little did I know it would also mean I'd find a rusted up water pump dated 2002, an expansion tank dated 2010 and a thermostat dated 2012. What even is preventative maintenance? What even is the meaning of words, man? At this point, all I could do is just laugh. I'd been had. All well and good getting refunded a couple hundred bucks when it was increasingly becoming clear I'd overpaid by a grand or two in the first place. Looking back, you start understanding why some of the sales photos were taken from slightly funny angles, angles that conveniently left a glaring defect just out of sight. You start noticing things left unsaid or worded a certain way. The funniest thing for me was the bit about oil changes, stating: "regular oil changes with Castrol Edge 5W30 and Hengst (the best) filters". What a random thing to mention a brand of oil filter, I thought. What an even more random thing to lie about. Hilarious. My laughter grew even louder not even a week later, when sitting at a red light this started happening: "At least she's solid mech... f**k." Basically, nearly every time you stood still behind a red light or at an intersection with the car in Drive for longer than 20 seconds, the gearbox would go into limp mode. You'd turn the car off and on and the problem would go away, until you stopped next time. Annoying as hell, but the way I figured out around it is to just switch the car into neutral every time I'm stuck behind a red light. I did read it's sometimes as simple as a sensor cable coming loose from the top of the gearbox. An absolute bastard to get to, as it sits on the upper passenger side of the box in a tight spot between the body. The clip did seem a bit loose. Managed to take it off, clean it as best I could with a brush, clipped it in securely and cleared the codes. No luck. It's been the workaround since then. Having not even driven 3,000 km, the thought of selling up and cutting my losses did cross my mind, but I knew full well that even without those issues I'd be taking a loss of a few grand at least, and I couldn't in clean conscience put it up for sale without disclosing all the issues, which would attract all manner of low-balling opportunists that I didn't have the mental capacity to deal with. I could call myself spoiled I guess. Having had my coupe for a good part of 2 years, and having done all the preventative steps right at the very beginning, I had enjoyed a few years of absolutely trouble free motoring, with the myth of BMW unreliability well and truly purged from my mind. This was a rude awakening. Like it or not, I was stuck with her, for better or for worse. In all honesty though, would have been a bit boring if she didn't have issues. And I had a handy backup for when things inevitably went tits up, at least for the moment. Onwards & upwards.

Still April '21 Still 216,XXX km With the first bits going back on the car, I compiled a huge wishlist and went off on a scavenger hunt to Pick-A-Part. Pulling the car apart had been like peeling an onion - the deeper I went, the more it made me want to cry. Absolutely no clue how or why someone had felt the need to dismantle some of the bits previously, but the level of care taken was that of a rabid sledgehammer. The absolute majority of the interior plastic bits were either cracked, had clips broken off or were scuffed up to hell. Some of the stuff seemed utterly idiotic. Instead of taking a bit of care to check where the bolts and clips were, or, I don't know, going on YouTube and watching any of the dozens 2-minute videos on how to take every single thing apart without breaking it, it seems that the approach was instead "right, f**k it, brute force it is." So a long list it was. Turned out to be a whole day exercise. Buggered Gone Raped Shagged f**ked Meh Crap A bunch of the bits were touring-specific, and we haven't had many of those being parted out down this way lately, but did get quite a few other things ticked off. Got a new armrest, rear rubbish compartment cover, nabbed a fresher-looking gear knob as the old one was rather crusty, all sorts of clips, bolts, wee sensors, fasteners and rubber bits that were tired or missing. Also found a tidy driver's storage compartment and a tidier looking rear seat center armrest off a local fella. I did pick up some unbroken front wheel arch liners, but upon getting home discovered that the non-Msport ones had different air vent openings, so those were a no-go. Brand new ones are typically silly-money so ended up doing some zip-tie stitching instead. If anyone's got some tidy Msport arch liners laying around, hit me up. The underside of the front bumper was also well shagged and had fastener points ripped out, so again, zip-ties to the rescue. Actually lined up pretty well, and fixed the sagging issue to an acceptable degree. Not perfect but beggars can't be choosers I guess. Also installed the tow bar I had taken off the coupe (who puts a tow bar on a coupe!?). Didn't get round to doing the wiring just yet, but at least I could now lug some pushbikes around. Finally got the car to a point where I could actually drive it. Hallelujah. That's until a couple of trips to work later, the coolant light came on... f**k.

Ohh mate I feel ya! My missus has her Outback for that, tows alright being AWD and a 3L. Dread getting into it though, she cleans it about once a year at best, you can barely see the floor mats through all the hay, feels like a barn on wheels. Horse people ey...

Bloody hell, was that thing screwed in there too? Will never understand why people do this type of sh*t. Akin to getting a tattoo on your forehead.

April '21 216,XXX km With the car still in bits, I got onto stripping the headliner of the nasty foam gunk to get it ready for reupholstering. That's one of those jobs that I didn't trust myself to do a clean enough job so opted to have it professionally handled instead, whilst doing some of the prep work myself. Nasty ass task, but actually ended up not being as bad as I'd feared. While the headliner & pillars were in the shop, I kept myself busy by refreshing the steering wheel. The wheel wasn't in terrible condition, I've definitely seen worse, but was showing slight signs of age so thought I'd get ahead of it. Went with a genuine leather wrap with black stitching from Mewant to keep it clean and minimal. After a few hours of mucking about and stabbing myself a good number of times, it came out looking a solid 4/5. The slight added thickness was definitely noticeable, but really only a problem if you want to be super picky. Also figured out why the airbag wasn't sitting properly - a simple matter of slotting the airbag wires back into the wee groove on the top side of the wheel. Also took apart the mirrors for a good clean and to check if there was anything obvious causing the issue - no luck. Nothing stuck out as being missing or out of place and the infamous ribbons all seemed to be intact. Really not keen to have to shell out for new motors... Yikes! Did clean up a few spider webs tho. Had no luck with the dashboard either. No amount of scrubbing or blasting it with steam did anything to get rid of the bloody "footprint". I guess I can live with it for now. Whilst demolishing the interior, I came across a whole bunch of wiring that seemed to be either unconnected to anything or not doing much regardless, likely some old stereo system or the sort from it's former life in Japan. Won't be needing any of that anymore. Finally got the headliner and pillars back. What a difference! Absolutely chuffed with how it came out. The folks at Cover It did a bang up job, would never have gotten anything close to as good a result with my own crooked hand stubs. Onto the reassembly.

Yeah, had another fella up in Auckland selling a pair of seats, got a quote of $700 for shipping alone, which is 3-4 times what I was hoping to pay all out. Will hold out for something local to pop up, not in any real hurry. Those ones from Weitz are off an E36 anyway. Do appreciate you trying to help tho. As a side question, can someone give an insight as to how different the E46 coupe/compact seats are from the sedan/touring ones? I know they will bolt up fine, so is the only difference the folding mechanism or are the dimensions somehow different as well? Considering coupe seats would expand the selection pool a wee bit, granted if the differences are pretty minor.

March '21 216,XXX km On the trip down, the issues had kept on piling up. The windshield washer pump wasn't working, nor was the rear window wiper. The speakers were rattling at even the slightest hint of bass and most annoyingly of all, going over uneven patches of road that I wouldn't even classify as bumps at highway speeds, the rear tyres would rub against the fenders. All things to address further down the line. "At least she's solid mechanically," I kept on reassuring myself. For now, the dismantling continued, with the main bish jealously looking on. All the interior pillars had been rather shabbily redone, the fabric had become stiff and crunchy with visible patches where it had been saturated through with liquid glue and had begun to peel again. Definitely needed a do-over. Up until now, I'd somehow also failed to notice the headliner beginning to sag in a few places, as well as having a few rips and poke holes through it. So, out it came. Went on a wee shopping spree, bought a shop vac, a pressure washer, a steam cleaner as well as a Bissell carpet cleaner. She might be a bit ragged, but at least she'll be clean as. Got the carpets looking all crisp. Next, onto the seats. The alcantara was looking a bit tired so went with a wee hack with a lint remover. Topped it off with a soft brush and a little diluted Koch-Chemie MZR to remove some of the lighter stains and they came out looking a lot fresher. Best $7 ever spent. What an absolute trooper of a device. Next, onto the interior plastics. Went through all of the scratched up center console bits, scraping off the rubberised plastic gunk to expose the bare plastic with the help of warm water, scrub pads and some plastic pry tools. Absolute menace of a job, took a solid 3 nights of scrubbing and had skin peeling off the fingers by the end, but makes such a difference every time. Treated all the bits with Aerospace 303 to finish it off. By this point, this had snowballed way beyond the scope I'd ever intended, much to my despair, and to the dismay of my housemate/landlord as I managed to occupy nearly the whole garage for the better part of two months. Oops

Aye, 'fun' is one way of putting it The car came with the name. I did think about alternatives but somehow it just stuck. Seems apt.

January '21 Having been a chuffed owner of a 325ci for about a year and a half, I found myself in a bit of despair. Whilst absolutely in love with the car, the engine, the chassis in general, I was coming to the realisation that a coupe wasn't an ideal choice for me moving forward. I had barely started keeping a keener eye on the market, on the lookout for a tidy wagon to switch into, when she popped up. A fellow Msport 325i, 2003 facelift Touring, looking stunning in black with those crisp xenon's and decent looking rims. The seller seemed as trustworthy as you can hope for, being a regular contributor and a reputable member of the bimmer fam. With the extensive service record and immaculate looking photos, the price came across as very reasonable and seemed too good to pass up. I quickly put down a deposit, shuffled around some finances and booked a flight to Auckland to pick her up in a month's time. In hindsight, patience would have been a virtue. A lot more questions that needed to be asked, a lot more photos/videos requested or at the very least, a price negotiation left for the time of pickup. But hey, to be young, naïve and impulsive... February '21 214,XXX km The seller was kind enough to pick me up from the airport. I'd also arranged to pick up a multifunction steering wheel from a guy parting out his car nearby, intending to wire in cruise control to make the long trip down to Christchurch that wee bit more comfortable. Straight away I started noticing that aesthetically, the car was well below the standard I had hoped for. Nearly every panel had some degree of dings and scratches, a whole bunch well beyond what a cut and polish would be able to tackle. The left rear wheel arch, quarter panel and left side of the bumper had clearly had a run-in with.. a wolverine or something. The front bumper was sagging and the rear bumper had a whole heap of deep scuffs below the rear hatch. Turned out the owner was a builder, so the car had often been used as a work van, which showed as everything from the backs of the front seats to the door panels and rear window tints had all sorts of scuffs and scratches from materials and tools being crammed into it, as well as every nook and cranny being blessed with a healthy dose of saw dust and shavings. The hood had a few indents and to top it off, right smack in the middle, a couple of dollar-coin-sized spots where bird sh*t had eaten away at the clear coat right through to the paint. In the front, the driver's seat had a patch stitched onto it, covering up a hole, the arm rest was broken off, the middle of the dash above the stereo had something resembling a shoe print etched into it and the air bag wasn't sitting properly inside the steering wheel, half popping out on one side. Oh, and the power mirrors didn't work, I was informed. I was getting a bit overwhelmed, had a long drive ahead of me and was keen to hit the road. I'd come all this way, too late to back out now. We sorted out the payment, ownership and insurance and off I went before I lost all enthusiasm. "At least she's solid mechanically," I murmured to myself. Out on the open road, the car was a joy. The engine felt preppy, the handling sharp and she ate up the miles effortlessly. I made a wee detour through New Plymouth on my way to crash the night at some friends' place in Whanganui and was treated to some lovely views of a hill or some sort. This was really the view I stopped to admire. The next morning, I partially dismantled the dash to retrofit the multi-function steering wheel I had picked up the day before. All in all, an easy enough mod to tackle, all of 3 wires to run and splice in and voila, she was now equipped with cruise control and media buttons. It was a 5am start the next day and a quick sprint down to Wellington to catch the 9am ferry. I made the que with time to spare and later turned out I had needlessly been in a hurry, getting caught by a speeding camera just a few hundred meters before the terminal. Had been a while since my last speeding ticket to be fair. Upon getting home after a close to 2,000km test drive, I embarked upon my traditional ritual after buying a new car - a seats-out deep clean. I may have gotten a bit carried away this time though as one thing led to another and, well, nek minit... Oops

This will serve as a diary of my love-hate relationship with this wonderful menace of a machine. HISTORY - Imported from Japan in 2010. - Came into my ownership in February 2021 at 214,XXXkm. ENGINE - M54B30 (161,XXXkm) full rebuild & conversion (January 2023 - 227,488km) - M52-style piston rings - New main & rod bearings - Drilled and safety wired oil pump nut - New timing chains & guides - Oil pump resealed - New crank sprocket - Brand new genuine & OE sensors throughout - New ignition coils & spark plugs - Brand new belts & tensioners - Aluminium water pump & power steering pulleys - New engine mounts - New radiator & associated hoses (May 2021 - 216,6XXkm) - New water pump & thermostat (January 2023 - 227,5XXkm) - New lifters (April 2023 - 228,XXXkm) - New PCV & associated hoses, intake boots (September 2023) - M3 chain tensioner (October 2023) - VANOS rebuild (November 2023) - OFH metal oil non-return valve (March 2024) - Compression tested, 200PSI on all cylinders (March 2024) - New starter (June 2024) TRANSMISSION - 5-speed manual ZF S5D 320Z swap - Brand new detents, shifter pins, reverse sensor - Replaced input shaft seal, selector rod seal, throwout bearing guide tube, brass clutch fork pivot pin - Brand new LUK dual mass flywheel & clutch, new throwout bearing & clutch fork - New clutch master & slave cylinders - New transmission mounts - E60 shift lever & ZHP shift knob - New shifter linkage bushes throughout - BM Speedshop DSSR - Clutch switch, reverse switch wired in and EGS coded out - Removed gas pedal kick-down clicker DRIVETRAIN - New guibo, CSB (January 2023) - Fitted manual 2.93 differential with brand new input & output seals, rust treated & repainted - 330i manual driveshaft given a fresh coat of paint BRAKES - 330i brake retrofit - calipers & carrier brackets vapour blasted, painted & resealed (October 2023) - New OE rubber brake hoses, Akebono ceramic pads, new park brake shoes - New brake booster & master cylinder (May 2024) - Brake fluid flush (May 2024) FRONT AXLE - OE sway bar end links (November 2021 - 221,XXXkm) - 25mm Z4 sway bar - Whiteline strut brace - Bilstein B4 shocks - Eibach springs - E90xi strut mounts - E36 M3 bump stops - OE wheel bearings (October 2023) REAR AXLE - CMP Auto Engineering bottom side reinforcement plates & topside brace bar welded in - Stitch welded trailing arm pockets and wheel arch panels - CMP Auto Engineering solid subframe bushes & monoball trailing arm bushes - OE rubber diff bushes - 330i axles - 19mm Msport sway bar - Eibach adjustable rear camber arms - Bilstein B4 shocks - Stock Msport springs - E36 M3 bump stops - OE wheel bearings (October 2023) STEERING - LF-30 reseal & retrofit - New power steering reservoir and lines - High pressure line rebuilt by Enzed - New Lemforder inner & outer tie rods - CMP Auto Engineering solid steering coupler INTERIOR - Full interior-out deep clean, shampooed carpets, most interior plastic trims replaced with good condition ones, worn soft touch rubberized coatings peeled back to bare plastic & treated - Headliner & pilar trims professionally reupholstered (April 2021 - 216,XXXkm) - Steering wheel wrap and multifunction button retrofit - Android headunit - Leather door cards fitted - Cluster backing plate switched out and recoded from km/L to L/100km - Temperature buffer mod - Replaced dash with a tidy example - Armrest delete, because manual EXTERIOR - Roof rail delete - Shadowline trim professionally repainted (June 2024) OTHER - Rolled rear fenders - Installed towbar - Reverse camera - New fuel pump, seals & lock rings (October 2023) - New AC compressor, condenser, drier, expansion valve (October 2023) - BMW Style 193 rims with Dunlop SP Sport Maxx 050+ (225/40R18 front, 255/35R18 rear) fitted (October 2023) - Fully certified for engine swap, transmission swap and others (January 2024) IN PROGRESS - Full paint correction (cut & polish, paint touchup, protective coating) throughout - Installing door sound deadening, resealing vapour barriers FUTURE PLANS - Towing module retrofit - Heated seat retrofit - Auto lights & wipers / rain-light sensor retrofit - Redo window tints - Refurbish and install X5 leather front seats, E46 leather rear seats